This is how we will open up to each other!

Photo by David Marcu from Unsplash

We hide so much of ourselves from each other. I do too, because of the fear of comparison and judgement.
Yet, this is how most of us, wake up on most mornings, with similar feelings.

I think the worst part is knowing that if I wanted to, really wanted to, if I tried hard enough, I could wake up and change everything. I could hang out with my friends and not be scared to run out of things to say. I can change my own life at any moment. But I don’t ‘want’ to, you see. How I love being sad, love rotting to boredom, in my room while people have fun without me, in another world. I love imagining little scenarios in my head instead of making them real, like a sad little child playing with dolls.

I love hybernating through seasons of joy. I think I would be bored otherwise. I am afraid to be great and to have everything I think I want. It terrifies me because what I really want, deep down, is to keep hiding. I am scared to admit it but it’s true. It’s the only thing I really love today.

I don’t love my friends all the time, or myself or my work.

As some days pass by, they leave me with a warm fuzzy feeling inside, those are the days I feel, I must jot down in a gratitude journal, to flip back through on my not so great days, to remember why I love life and being alive. Yes those days happen often. I dress up and feel sexy. I wear the smell of my favourite shampoo on my hair. I buy doughnuts and cookies and snap them with children, I listen to podcasts as I work the kitchen sink.

When we are in a dark place, our mind tricks us into thinking that all days are like this and covers our memories in a film of grey and ugliness. I wish to hold on to those days that leave me feeling like there is sunshine in my chest, take photos to remember them by, write notes to read them after days. Even post about them on Elephant!

I know there is something so magical in the environment I create around myself.
A smile at a stranger, a relaxed moment by the residence fountain, a gentleness towards myself and others and knowledge that those who live beyond are feeling the same everyday and looking out for me, like I am secretly, yearning for them.

(Thank-you for reading this article!)

My passion is writing. Everything I write about is geared toward things that I deeply cares about—experiences, thoughts, drama, and emotions. A full-time mom to two handsome boys—11 and 4—I built a career around insurance underwriting and later, teaching of English literature and language in high school, before vanishing into full-time mommy responsibilities. I believe that life is not meant to be serious all of the time, and that we should have fun as much as we can. Besides writing, I enjoy watching spy network series and living it up by creating laugh memes with my two lovely young boys!

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Love, expectations and all the shit that comes with it.

People have different capacity for love. They each have a specific size vessel in which they can fill and flow love. It took me a very long time to figure that out. That thought has given me clarity and peace.

I have a couple of friends who are single at my age.

Clearly, they are single because they chose to be on that path.

The reasons may be one of the following-

Firstly,they are simply not interested in being in a serious relationship at a particular point in time. They have a career to build, no care for other distractions and their hands are full to make promises of a lifetime, yet.

Others are single due to the circumstances of their lives. Pressing and mysterious circumstances knock at everyone’s door, once in a while.

Third, they may have just gotten out of a meaningful relationship or have dated relentlessly and just haven’t found someone with whom they’re truly compatible.

Some of my friends, never had a problem finding good men to date. When I spoke to them about what they think, they almost unanimously answered that they believed, there is always- someone for everyone. If one man, or woman is “not the one” they may lead you to someone who is. Never drop your standards. Be honest, do a honest self evaluation on yourself. Ask close friends. Some of yours may come up with something similar.

I have another set of well meaning friends who don’t think they exist and are now, tired of being disappointed. It’s not even like they need a carbon copy of themselves , just someone halfway considerate, kind, and appreciative. But goodness, people can be shit.

Damn right. The intensity of your emotions should be understood and reciprocated equally. Else you end up being drained in every relationship.

I have a simple thought on this. Just give up and enjoy your life the best you can. Not everyone is meant for someone, that doesn’t mean you’re doomed to have an awful life. I would tell my buddies this thing- that being single is better than being lonely and in a relationship. Don’t settle, don’t sell yourself short! I wonder how one could invest their feelings into someone or just anyone, just to not be alone.

Good partnerships are worth the wait. Everyone’s capacity for love (romantically) is different. It took me some time to learn this.. So many are shallow and/or materialistic or just willing to settle with comfortability. I always say that some people’s love is as deep as a puddle while others is as deep as the sea. I need depth, passion, soul changing love. It can leave you utterly devastated when lost but its the only kind of love that’s worth it .

I’ve been with my husband for fifteen years. We are almost complete opposites, including the way we show love.

Yes we have had ups and downs, been through the F- word journey and still do, almost every day and pardon me God, I wouldn’t get the joy of making up to anyone else but him. The extreme friend and companion.
While a miracle partnership isn’t happening anywhere in the world, common sense would say, enjoy being alone which very few of us can embrace. If you can handle and be happy at the same time of being alone by all means, you can handle any situation with or without someone… Cheers everyone and breathe, remember we all have one life, try not to complicate that.
And to all my single friends, I absolutely love you! I’m so proud of you and your super shiny spirit!!!

(Thank-you for reading this article!)

My passion is writing. Everything I write about is geared toward things that I deeply cares about—experiences, thoughts, drama, and emotions. A full-time mom to two handsome boys—11 and 4—I built a career around insurance underwriting and later, teaching of English literature and language in high school, before vanishing into full-time mommy responsibilities. I believe that life is not meant to be serious all of the time, and that we should have fun as much as we can. Besides writing, I enjoy watching spy network series and living it up by creating laugh memes with my two lovely young boys!

To follow my work on.

I write because I have nothing better to do.


How I Write About Love

What do we consider to be a good meeting story?
When it involves chance more than effort. You get bonus points if the chance encounter suggests compatibility, like mistakenly wheeling off with each other’s shopping carts at supermarkets because your items had so much overlap, you got the carts mixed up.
You catch glimpses of familiar faces or a nerve wrecking hello, with the lady in purple, at the elevator, you frequent at work.There is this beautiful disaster. Explosion of curiosity. The onset of displaced feelings.

The Price I pay to Write all this!

Well, the best thing that ever happened to my writing life was living in lockdown.

(Thank-you for reading this article!)

My passion is writing. Everything I write about is geared toward things that I deeply cares about—experiences, thoughts, drama, and emotions. A full-time mom to two handsome boys—11 and 4—I built a career around insurance underwriting and later, teaching of English literature and language in high school, before vanishing into full-time mommy responsibilities. I believe that life is not meant to be serious all of the time, and that we should have fun as much as we can. Besides writing, I enjoy watching spy network series and living it up by creating laugh memes with my two lovely young boys!

To follow my work on.

About job losses, burial of sanity and a test of human resilience.

(Photo by Alesia Kasantzeva from Unsplash)

So it has been a very long time that I wrote about what is happening around me, exactly. And I am here with some life updates, as it is happening to all of us.

Many of us are working from home during quarantine and life seems all good.
In similar cities and big towns, for many, their time has altered hugely many of them on the verge of or already having to lose their jobs.
The time many of us spend cursing the lackadaisical life, there are many people out there who spend all that time mainly focusing on working on their portfolio, applying for other jobs, feeling generally depressed and scared about being jobless during a pandemic, while still being contractually obligated to keep working for their very company until their termination date.

Let me give a writing prompt here. In a parallel world, hunters nowadays are starting to lose their jobs, because lonely powerful aliens simply refuse to let the hunters haunt their already power sick world, anymore.

Now the unfortunate part in this scenario. Many people also have a daily job to go to, not much to worry we think.
It’s more than just the obvious – pharmacies and hospitals and police and grocery stores.
Construction is still happening. Mechanics and electricians and tradesmen are still working. Municipal Service workers.
Manufacturing plants are still running. You have buildings full of 100+ employees in close quarters making the packaged food and toiletries and drinks and medicine you are buying in crazed bulk. There are people in the offices manning the phones dealing with customers.

Yes, they are making their money but that is not necessarily a relief. A lot of them would love to be home and know that they are not going to catch something on their commute. People who have immune-vulnerable relatives they have to take care of while they also have to work.

There are still people who need to use public transportation to get around and don’t have the option to NOT go to work.
There are deserted times when I might have thought- as I am agonizing about how bored I am at home or how I haven’t been able to finish my fanfic or even how I am celebrating my husband’s time off from frequenting work place and completing all our we-time projects.

Some people are just working… and anxious.. and tired.. and they don’t have a break on the horizon.

When it comes to losing a job, it’s so much more than losing the job and the income. It also means losing a routine, a sense of regularity, safety, honour and the relationships we’ve formed.

This connection between self-worth and work is vital as people largely blame themselves for the unfortunate life event and wonder what they personally did wrong to end up unemployed. They may also feel shame for not being able to provide financial stability and protection to the people they need to support, especially during a health crisis.
We use our fall and achievements, as the foundation for everything else that we do and so when somebody rocks that ground, everything else on top of that crumbles.

We read painful narrations on media about people below starry income levels living miserable lives and lifeless.
We also read about qualified and remarkably poised people in troubled mental dispositions.

Perhaps it is easy to be a leader when things are going according to financial and quarterly business plans but hard to fathom or respond to and undertake effective solutions, when things are going badly.

In these complicated times, how employees are measured with goodwill and care, will be remembered for years to come. How businesses respond will have a lasting impact on employee behavior including, engagement, productivity and loyalty.

Self care and sanity is a human right, not a billable item for employers to influence.

(Thank-you for reading this articl e!)

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I landed a man who also became my best friend.

(Photo by Heather Mount from Unsplash)

When I first met him, I was like this person desperately looking for companionship….I can say that I was almost looking for a bond of need. Deep inside, I knew that it was destined to fail because you cannot drink from an empty cup. I must search desperately for meaning and fullness that will fill the void within myself first.
The hunger never ends, as nothing can satisfy it except creating meaning within my own self. I grew up frenzied, inevitably falling to disappointment.
I was fortunate to have loving parents but there was always this thirst for finding meaning and an anchor in another.

I was mostly attached to the idea, the concept, the ideal that I had created in my mind of the other person; and so with the passing of years I learnt that it only leads to further heartache. When I grew up onto a strong, quite mature person I realised that paradoxically, in this hunger to find meaning in another, I might be either consciously or unconsciously blinded to each other’s true interests and passions; and thereby make an attempt to overwrite the other’s world with my own fears. And I did for a while. My worries and anxieties became his to worry about for a little time as well.

He came from a moment of rightness, of peace, of calm, of feeling at home. He taught me that instead of need, there is want and choice, which are completely different things and so does not cling desperately for anchor in another. Someone who took ownership of their inner wounds, their weaknesses, their shortcomings.

This is what is attractive. When, he knows that in order for a relationship to work, both will have to invest continuously, that at every dawn a new choice is to be made, that love isn’t just an endless honeymoon dictated by moods or needs or changing hearts; that love is choosing each other day by day, and knowing that there will be times when one will have to carry most of the weight to compensate for an imbalance, whatever the reason may be for this, or sometimes both will carry it equally, and so forth.

They know that in the end, it’s all about intent and choice, as long as they both hold on and want to be with each other, they will keep doing whatever necessary to make it work.
Most of all, they know that time changes things, that people evolve, and that is absolutely natural and essential for a joyous union, and to this end they strive to encourage and support you also in becoming our very best selves, in pursuing whatever passions set our heart alight.

With time, our bond has only strengthened like flowers in a garden. He and I were like a powerhouse of love, of unbreakable commitment, a power couple in its truest form. It is a divine union because there is nothing that cannot be achieved by two people that have reached such a state of friendship and intentional living.

I love him and he is my best friend.

My favourite sportsperson and what I want my sons to learn by watching him.

(Photo by Patrick Hendry from Unsplash)

I am a sports fan. The reason I write this article is to pen my thoughts on India’s most swashbuckling sportstar, Indian cricketer Virat Kohli. (also the current captain of the One day International and test matches)

Few days ago, my son suggested we play a game on famous sports personalities, from around the world. Each person says a name starting with the end letter of the sports person, the other person said.

According to the mood, I decided for myself that this list would purely be based on their handsomeness (combination of looks, personality and the way they carry themselves in public) , without necessarily taking their sports talent/skills into consideration. While most of them are sports legends- undoubtedly bothe women and men, some are relatively unknown or lesser-known. But all of them have played sports at international level.
Towards the end of our play, we had a little chat on whom we like the most in the respective sports arena. While my son is a huge admirer of football, I have my heart in cricket.
I remember my younger days when I used to be dad’s favourite companion in watching the sport. I used to have a thing or two to ask and would get annoyed when the game didn’t play out on television, the way I would envisage.

I enjoy the game for all it’s deadly combination of collective calm and individual prowess. In today’s time, if I had to chooses one cricketer as the strongest in the world, it would be none other than Virat Kohli!
And trust me, my reasons have nothing to do with anything but his character as a cricketer.

Okay, so let’s unpack my sentiments about him. You don’t like a person. There are qualities and actions of a person you like.

  • I like his unwavering focus on the game.
  • I like how he would hurl expletives when pumped up because that was his way of showing how involved he is in what he’s doing.
  • I like it when he jumps and punches the air when he scores a fifty or a hundred and when he takes the team past the finish line because that shows how much he wants it to happen.
  • I like to see his exercise videos on social media because that will inspire at least a few people who idolise him to become fit.
  • I like to see him sing and dance with team mates,( my son has exhausted his chances of the gangnam style dance video) where he shows that he’s not just about sports and fitness.
  • I am a fan of his passion for cricket and his supreme adaptability.
  • He is strong not physically alone but also from the mind. He is not bogged down, appears to take things as they come, plays to win and is unaffected by any type of criticism. His focus while playing cricket is at another level. When he is there at the crease, he puts up a fight against the opposition and at the same time keeps enjoying his game.

This man combines hard-work, intelligence and a spirit to fight and win, and I would spend money on watching him with my sons, for as long as, they can take those positives back home!

(Thankyou for reading the article!)

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I love you guys, but spare me your sarcasm…

‘Listen, smile, agree. And then do whatever the fuck you were gonna do anyway.’
Robert Downey Jr.

(Photo by Christian Lambert from Unsplash)

Every time we level up in life, we have to readjust our boundaries. what was okay before, no longer works. The people in our lives, self care rituals, the environments, and situations we engage with must all adjust and meet our new vibrational frequency, in order to be sustained.

I understand sarcasm. People use it often in their interactions. We all do. While on most occasions it is supposed to indicate friendly banter, it is belittling to many.

Here I share my thoughts about the harmful kind.

I have noticed how, for some people it’s practically the primary language, absolutely intended specifically to make the other person feel stupid. When you’re always sarcastic, people won’t want to be around you because people don’t want to feel stupid.Sarcasm has a two-faced quality: it’s both funny and mean.

In their defence, I could say that it gives them an internal satisfaction, inner peace and a feeling that could be compared to a-punch-in-the-face through their mean words.
Not only is it rude, but I’ve found that people who are “always sarcastic” tend to be unfunny.
I have ceased to interact with many friends because of their terrible addiction for self depreciation and when you don’t play the ball with them, they feel strained and nurture this obsessive need to spew nursed bitterness.
Often, many of them are left wondering why I don’t speak to them anymore.

I feel attracted to charming men and women. People who exude charm assume that no body is boring; they realize that when you’re contemplating a person’s story or their passions, you are genuinely looking for more information about them, and they’re going to value you for this.

I am forty and have had a fair share of bullying and sarcastic friends in my journey yet. I can say confidently that I have learnt my way around this terror. Some of them are unrelenting.

They would want to figure out why you wouldn’t want to connect with them anymore, as you learn to live around them. It’s a tongue in cheek situation. It is the easiest to ignore them and make it known in polite ways, that perhaps you are busy or would connect with them at a time soonest when you can.
People that like to be vindictive with words and poke fun at somebody, apparently in a friendly situation, really don’t have much going on with their intellectual mechanisms and have a lot of growing up to do. I mean really how boring do you have to be to take pleasure in somebody else’s embarrassment and unease. I can think of a million and one things I’d rather do, than that.

Over the years, I told myself, that most of the time when people point out others faults, its to draw attention away from their own. I don’t have the skill for reverse sarcasm and I convince myself again, that I am a decent human being and I am better than that right?

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The reason I love myself more than anyone else and why I feel that is important…

Photo courtesy- my own

I think life gets easier once you find your strong meaning or purpose.

For some, this means even spending your life, searching for this purpose.

I started having this conversation with myself- regarding purpose and it helped me understand what degree I should take, what careers I should explore.
My life’s purpose is to help myself first. Finding my own purpose is an extremely personal and lengthy journey and I started by asking myself “what makes me happy” “what makes me fulfilled” “what could I spend my life doing” “if I look back on my life when I’m old, what do I hope to have achieved”
I have read and experienced in significant ways that my life is built by what I make it, I am the author of my own story and that I have the obscure power to decide where I let life lead me.
No matter what anyone says, we all deserve happiness. It is not selfish, we may avoid making a gaudy show of it, certainly. I deserve to put myself first and clear my mind and body of stress and diseases.

While I have been fortunate, lived up mostly close to the images I carried in my wishlist, I have known friends who desired to bend the rules for the longest time. Many live a compromised life, by picking a degree that made others happy, choosing to sacrifice their own needs in order to meet those of others and in worst case scenarios they are morose about life and give up all hope.

This isn’t healthy, this isn’t what life is about. I may have moments and sometimes weeks of dip in my intention and effort. I am human.

Photo by Tracy Adams from Unsplash

And I am enough. I sit with that thought everyday. truly consider it and what that means.
It is nobody’s idea but my own when it comes to making the final decision on what I truly want from myself. The curiosity and in some cases, the ignorance or even indifference of others must not overwhelm me. In a time of crisis, the best of us lose sight of our boundaries and that of our loved ones. However when it comes to difficult times, the people who matter most will be supportive and understand.

I have learnt that ones who have an honest connection with me will surely understand.

I realised the law of attraction is so real. Once I started seeing the beautiful in myself, others see it and admire it as well.
We all have so many silent admirers, people who fall a little in love with you when they see you on the street, in a bookshop, at a cafe or even in a parking bay.

The world gets a little better every time you actualise kindness and act with love. We are all human, you never know what others are going through. Smile at a stranger, wave thanks to people in traffic, appreciate customer service. It’s the small acts that add up.
I am consumed by an appreciation for the simple. Again, I believe in competition. Without competition, the brain would be a dead organ. But it ought to be healthy competition. Where I give it a go, I sweat it out, I release all that I withhold. The result thereof must only temporarily stay with me. That’s all there is to it. These are my favourite words of wisdom for my elder son.
I want to be gentle with myself.

I wish to take more deep breaths and perform more compassionate acts towards myself first.
Because of all the people in the world, I love myself first and most.

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How drying clothes in the yard with my son, seasoned our life with love.

Photo by Eric Jan Leusink from Unsplash

“The cool breeze surprised the shoreline, wrinkling the water as the waves lovingly rolled toward her in bubbly silver lines.
It lifted the curly short hair at her shoulder and ruffled the hem of her full skirt. She braided her hair to keep the stiff sea breeze from tossing curls in her face and smiled at nothingness.”

These are notes from last year’s autumn, when I had visited a beach for a holiday, in the western coast of India.

Thrice a week atleast, I grab a bucket full of wet clothes and spread them out into the sunshine.

Often, I am helped, by my four year old son, handing me one soggy item after another so that I could peg faster. Sometimes this reminds me of childhood when mom would hook the line with the wired pole and hoist it high into the roof to keep the sheets off the ground.
One of my fondest childhood memories involves my mother and the clothesline that stretched across our huge balcony in delhi.
In the present times, left to me, the clothes would not have any particular arrangement, even if the sun or wind were positioned differently..but that thought would deprive my little one of direct access to the possibility of dipping his hands in the bucket and making merry.
My mom grew up with line dried clothes. She lived in north Kerala where it was hot and dry. There, like in most small towns then, they line dried the clothes so the cotton sheets and towels got that stiff feeling. I used to participate for years when I visited my grandmother. That’s what I love. I noticed that the towels are kind of scratchy when I get them off the line and I love it! I feel like they actually dry instead of just the smearing water around.
Now, I live the advantages of a high raised floor in this regard, with vast open space and no adjacent blocks to cover my view..which means uninterrupted flow of breeze as may happen.
Sometimes, when the sun is dipping and I pull a chair to read besides it..I love watching the clothes flap in the breeze and shine in the sun’s reflection. There is something soothing about it.
Its therapeutic.

Spending some time in the porch or yard for drying clothes whenever one can, and of course when one can peacefully intend to..has some gentle advantages. I can list out these that I experienced..

  • It was a great self-confidence boost for my son because he saw that he was really helping me. I was surprised to see how he would happily volunteer each time.
  • I saw that was a great opportunity to talk with my boy about the character and importance of the wind and the sun. For example, it is sunny in the mornings in our balcony, so we try to hang the clothes that time.
  • Taking the cloth off when they are dry and putting the clothes into the basket is fun too. I would heap him with clothes and it was a source of laughter and good banter.
  • As for me, I learnt, that I like to feel the gentle breeze brushing across my face and tugging my hair. If I let the wind talk to me, it arrives at it’s own pace and it goes away after whatever it has to say. It does not come with expectations.

The shifts in the wind speed and direction, reminds me of all the variations in my moods and challenges.
The breeze in my yard, tells me how I must honour them.
It guides me to understand that instead of becoming a prisoner to the challenges in my life, I must wait it out with extreme patience and based on the currents, carefully manoeuvre my life.

I genuinely like hanging out clothes to dry. Most of the time, it’s a few minutes of peace with my thoughts, Iam on auto pilot mode and mechanically doing something with my hands. While my body is busy doing something rote and routine, my mind is free to wander.
And of course, in the not so rare situation that my four-year-old joins me, he hangs the clothes in all sorts of artistic ways (which I often re-do when he’s not looking)…he plays an important part in handing me one as needed.

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Why you must not worry too much, about not being able to get anything done…

“The idea of divine inspiration and an aha moment is largely a fantasy. Anything of value comes from hard work and unwavering dedication. If you want to be a good artist you need to look at other artists, make a lot of crappy art, and just keep working.” — Sydney Pink

Whether you’re a painter, food artist, singer, sports writer, web designer, photographer, or another type of artist – there are going to be days where you find it extremely difficult to create something.

Few days ago, my mind was worried and I was caught up in a cycle of stress about other things.
It was a basket of mixed feelings I had.
At times, Iam inspiration-less, where I have the motivation but just can’t think of anything good to do. At other times, Iam motivation-deprived, where I have the idea but just don’t really wanna.
The last and my least favourite but most familiar state, where Iam so pumped to get this thing done! But there’s that other thing, and, your show is on, or your kids steal you, you figure that you are listed at other jobs, and you’ll just do it tomorrow.
The last one is most of us.
Soon, I wasn’t surprised that I was struggling to create anything at all!

Motivating yourself to be productive isn’t always easy. Some days, boredom takes over and the last thing you want to do is strike off your to-do list. Maybe I have a hard time motivating myself to do chores around the house or exercise or start that big plan for work. But whatever tasks I struggle with the most, it’s possible to overcome laziness and be my most productive self at home, at work, or wherever.
I have been writing for a while now and when I look back at some of the things I wrote a few months or even a year ago, I see how much my skills have improved and my thought process and style has taken some decent shape.

If you are an artist, you’ve had days where you hit a wall with your creativity. You don’t know what to paint, you’re not sure where to start, and you don’t really have the motivation to create anything. You have zero inspiration. Sound familiar?

Having said this, recently I figured a light hearted solution to my problem. I roped in, my elder son. We decided that each one of us will execute a productive act before the end of day, each day. At the end of the day, we must talk to each other about what we did. This, I thought, would atleast encourage my ‘son’ to become more disciplined about his days. Over a week I learnt that I was embarassing myself. Interestingly, he took the deal quite seriously. Recording my excuse everyday was getting harder and so was to expect him to believe the same ones, over and over.
Try this for yourself. I assure you the urge to procrastinate itself will dwindle. This is how I got over with it. I cannot guarantee this method for all of you out there but believe in yourself and always think of what you care for the most in this world before doing anything.

My best advice for anyone, if you’re art blocked and feeling uninspired to create your specific art that you excel at, is to do another kind of art. Paint with actual paint and brushes, make paper crafts, record some music, repaint a picture, edit a video, sculpt something, decorate a notebook, sew something, make a comic, look at memes, start a youtube channel with a new theme.. just like do something you don’t do every single day and it’ll feel new and cool and fun and inspiring.

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