My lost friend, I long to meet you again.

(Photo by We Heart It)

Have friends whom you are not in touch with?

Losing a friend is the breakup nobody talks about, nobody writes songs about.

I hadn’t expected it to hit me like that again. I thought I was over her. But I’m not. It’s been fifteen years since I last spoke to her.

We loved each other. She was the first one to know about the hero of my life. And now she knows nothing about any of me. I remember pushing the bar to search for her. Like she disappeared into nothingness.

Sometimes I don’t think about her for weeks and then, out of nowhere, it all hits me again. That whatever we had, is gone, only a memory that keeps fading and doesn’t feel real anymore. As if it belonged to another me.
I miss the old days. The everyday talks, the secrets, those girl-things, the stay overs. I miss her, I miss who I was around her.

Please give me a moment and read. This is exactly how I feel. This time I have been able to describe it perfectly-

Sometimes I really am awful in regards to keeping in contact with others. I want healthy and fulfilling relationships with my friends, but it’s very hard for me to wholly invest myself. I want to talk to you, but it’s difficult for me to muster the energy to do so sometimes. I want to hang out with you, but isolation also sounds nice right now. I’ll read your texts, but I’m not necessarily in the mood to reply at the moment. Then I feel anxious attempting to reach out when I do have the energy and I am in a good mood because I feel like I pushed you away and you dislike me now, so I usually remain isolated.”

If I had a chance to write a letter, this is what it would say-

“Friend, I like you. And that’s that.
No matter the distance, you will always be remembered.
I hope you will walk into my life like autumn and I will meet you like the fall.
And maybe it will happen like Troye Sivan sang:

I’m sure we’ll meet in the spring again,
And catch up on everything
and I´ll hug you and say I’m proud of all that you’ve done.”

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I like you more, when you care to be yourself.

People are assholes, Mouse. You already know that.” He paused as he scooped some of my hair back, gently tossing the strands over my shoulder. “And there’s nothing to be embarrassed about.”
I glanced over at him. Everything about his steady gaze and the serious press of his lips screamed earnest. But he was wrong. “It is…embarrassing.”
“Not if you don’t let it be.” His leg brushed mine as he turned in his seat, facing me. Our eyes met. “You have the power over that. People can say crap. They can think whatever they want, but you control how you feel about it.

Jennifer L. Armentrout, The Problem with Forever

Often times I think I am selfish and inpatient. I make terrible mistakes, my emotions are out of control and expressions are vague. The knowledge of my own fallibility also sometimes, doesn’t keep me from making mistakes. I have regrets. I know I cannot look back in time. I cannot undo what I once did and unthink what I once thought.
So I take that as an inspiration and don’t let mistakes be a reason, to give up on somebody.
We all are surfing the waves, falling and flying high on the tide of life. When they rise, may I be loving and strong and when I rise, may I stay humble and kind.

I spend a lot of time engaging with my emotions.
It makes me think of all the people I dont talk to anymore, that I miss talking to and then I wonder if I will ever re-meet any of them so we can try again.

This doesn’t have to be romantic either, it can be ‘we ran into each other at a chaotic time, now we have reconnected and are great friends’ and I love it.

Please read this with an open heart and welcoming soul-

We hide because we want to be found,
We stay silent because we want to be heard,
We isolate because we need someone,
We leave because we wait for something

I wish you stop telling me about how I should feel for a certain situation. Yes, you are entitled to your opinion but it doesn’t give you the right to set aside my feelings nor invalidate them. I may never share the same level of understanding as you, perhaps. We never have the same experience, it may have similarities, but not exactly the same. We never have the same level of tolerance when it comes to pain.

I am very sensitive and may be you are tough. I may not recover easily from what you may not even remember.
Let me feel what I am feeling at the moment. Let me struggle. Let me hurt. Let me cry. You are welcome to show and acknowledge your emotions too. Being with you is enough. Listening to each other is enough. Let us empathize.
If we are tired of looking at each other some day, tired of each other’s “shits”, then we don’t have to say anything at all, instead of invalidating and blaming each other for what we feel.

Let us just listen to our silence. Our discomforts we hide. Let us just stay for each other. Your presence is enough.

Time will come, we will heal ourselves, eventually.

(Thank-you for reading this article!)

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