I am an Introvert and I know how to have some serious fun.

I am an introvert.

This word defines my existence- the quality of my interactions with others and myself, the quality of my creative self-expression, and the quality of the love in my heart.
Okay, having said that, how many of us cringe at being branded as shy!

We spend our lives fighting accusations of being stuck up, lonely, bashful, averse to conversations and a poor team player.

Infact more often than not, all the above is a figment of imagination.
Let me try and break it up at a general level.

We are alive, cheerful, listening and observing you. We may not talk to you about just everything you may bring to the table, but we will talk to you about life for hours.
And if we open up ourselves to you, know that it means you are very special to us.

Now, read this carefully-

‘As an introvert, I crave meaningful one to one conversation with a like-minded person. When in large groups, I tend to get quiet, and often I’ll get lost in the shuffle. I will shut down completely if the crowd is too large and loud. I’ll make an early exit as soon as I feel overwhelmed. The truth is, I feel more lonely in a large group than I would just being alone. Ahhh…but those conversations with just you and me are like magic. I come alive once again. I open up and invite you to know the real me. It kindles my heart and warms my soul when I capture your undivided attention . No disturbance, no distraction, no interruption.’

It is just our natural temperament and we contribute to the human race in bulk.

For those who struggle to understand if there is anything in life at all that we enjoy, let me try my bit-

1. To begin with most of us have a terrific sense of humour. We can be funny and interesting and most of you have no idea to what extremes.
2. When you see us enjoy that cup of coffee by ourselves, in a bookshop, we are not left out or looking for someone through eternity, to fill the gloom. We go looking for those corner spots.enjoying that perfect little state, between sociability and quiet.
3. When you ask me, why don’t you speak, in all probability I have nothing to say. I just enjoy sitting next to you and listening to you as you speak, crack jokes and having me in splits.Please don’t push me to produce any jokes of my own.
4. You cannot comprehend how much we like depth and space. We look for connections and will not let you go if we find you awesome. We will make it up to you, by entertaining you in our ridiculous ways.
5. Socializing can be draining on us, but trust us when we say, we will never let you be bored. We are full of ideas. Interesting ones. We may appear like we sit and stare at the ceiling when we are not with people, but we can process adventure in the most ordinary settings.
6. Want an understanding confidante! Everyone wants one. We will always be there for you. We dint speak much. And the least we will do is, speak about you to someone else. Most of the timez we are lazy to do that. Jokes apart, no one does practical behind-the-scene work as brilliantly as we do.

Being an extroverted, socially aplomb person is a great thing. I have no friends who are like me. They are all super extroverts. Infact, I will go a step ahead and announce that a couple of my closest and dearets friends, whom I talk to or chat with, almost everyday, are true party girls. They are beautiful, intelligent, socially brilliant and can attend a couple of rock shows, in the same day.

Don’t feel bad about being introverted though. Start by getting to know people who are introverted too and read some books at the bookstore about introversion. I think this will help you not feel bad about it because you will learn that your not alone and there are many introverted people out there.

Introverts can be highly creative, introspective, and discerning… all great qualities.
Our brains are no different from yours, we are not less or more intelligent, just differently skilled.

Besides those who know me up close would promise that I do the loudest and stupidest random shit, when I get comfortable.

I glow without stealing someone else’s sunshine!

Heard the song ‘You can’t break me’ by V Bozeman?

It’s great when you have a friend that gets you – you don’t need to break everything you say down for them to understand – they are rare and most precious people.

I say this from personal experience. We were close, I think. I had met her after a gap of few years. It was a new feeling. Perhaps, even exciting. We were close suddenly.

After about a year of sweet interaction, things changed dramatically. I felt they expected me to be a certain way, perhaps even critical and condescending about just everyone who would hava a good cahnce at life.
I never understand this need to talk about others. I used to take it upon myself to be more present and just not speak when I didn’t have anything to contribute.

I don’t like making my life a subject for anyone and likewise for others too.
Similarly, I would show a complete disinterest in all that she had to talk about any one else, mostly who never mattered to either of us.

After months, I looked in the mirror at myself and spoke out loud, “I’m pissed at you.”

This wasn’t a comment directed at myself, but at a close friend of mine — the person I had started to resent a few weeks prior, but instead of bringing it up at the time, I remained silent, distant, passive.

So there I was, alone at home practicing the very words I wanted to utter on several occasions over several calls, uncertain that I’d have the courage to make it happen. I am always struggling with finding the right way to let the people I care about know that I’m upset, disappointed or simply pissed off.
I felt a huge burden on myself.

Initially I couldn’t quite put a finger to what was really going wrong . I nevertheless tried to make up with listening time extended, more calls and appreciation messages on occasions and keeping touch, whenever I felt a dip in the connection.

I felt it was all wrong. Not working for me, like I would like it to.

After a while, it was awful to realise they just didn’t care, how I would be hurt and that perhaps they found fault in me, for not living up to a certain expectation of a friend.
I understood we all have our lists of perfect qualities. I knew I didn’t match up to theirs.

They had other requirements and clearly I couldn’t have of them! I spent months on my own, day by day, as I got over it with the help of some rational self talk.

Sometimes we find ourselves at crossroads with people that we may have been excited to form bonds with at first, and yet are left wondering why they’re still in your phone contacts or friends on social media now.

Sure enough, it can be painful, but it’s alright to shrug your shoulders and say, “We had a beautiful connection once, and I’m grateful for it: but now we’re just in really different places.”

Drifting apart doesn’t mean you have to formally sever ties, but it’s OK to find yourself less invested in a friendship that used to be, if not your entire world, an exciting part of it.

It doesn’t make me or them a bad person — it’s just about coming to terms with the knowledge that sometimes our full original selves just don’t match with old friends anymore.

(Thank-you for reading this article!)

My passion is writing. Everything I write about is geared toward things that I deeply cares about—experiences, thoughts, drama, and emotions. A full-time mom to two handsome boys—11 and 4—I built a career around insurance underwriting and later, teaching of English literature and language in high school, before vanishing into full-time mommy responsibilities. I believe that life is not meant to be serious all of the time, and that we should have fun as much as we can. Besides writing, I enjoy watching spy network series and living it up by creating laugh memes with my two lovely young boys!

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I write because I have nothing better to do.

(Source- https://unsplash.com/photos/lBPtkH1Sel4)

How I Write About Love

What do we consider to be a good meeting story?
When it involves chance more than effort. You get bonus points if the chance encounter suggests compatibility, like mistakenly wheeling off with each other’s shopping carts at supermarkets because your items had so much overlap, you got the carts mixed up.
You catch glimpses of familiar faces or a nerve wrecking hello, with the lady in purple, at the elevator, you frequent at work.There is this beautiful disaster. Explosion of curiosity. The onset of displaced feelings.

The Price I pay to Write all this!

Well, the best thing that ever happened to my writing life was living in lockdown.

(Thank-you for reading this article!)

My passion is writing. Everything I write about is geared toward things that I deeply cares about—experiences, thoughts, drama, and emotions. A full-time mom to two handsome boys—11 and 4—I built a career around insurance underwriting and later, teaching of English literature and language in high school, before vanishing into full-time mommy responsibilities. I believe that life is not meant to be serious all of the time, and that we should have fun as much as we can. Besides writing, I enjoy watching spy network series and living it up by creating laugh memes with my two lovely young boys!

To follow my work on.

https://www.facebook.com/sayitnish
http://instagram.com/sayitnish
https://sayitnish.com/

The reason I love myself more than anyone else and why I feel that is important…

Photo courtesy- my own

I think life gets easier once you find your strong meaning or purpose.

For some, this means even spending your life, searching for this purpose.

I started having this conversation with myself- regarding purpose and it helped me understand what degree I should take, what careers I should explore.
My life’s purpose is to help myself first. Finding my own purpose is an extremely personal and lengthy journey and I started by asking myself “what makes me happy” “what makes me fulfilled” “what could I spend my life doing” “if I look back on my life when I’m old, what do I hope to have achieved”
I have read and experienced in significant ways that my life is built by what I make it, I am the author of my own story and that I have the obscure power to decide where I let life lead me.
No matter what anyone says, we all deserve happiness. It is not selfish, we may avoid making a gaudy show of it, certainly. I deserve to put myself first and clear my mind and body of stress and diseases.

While I have been fortunate, lived up mostly close to the images I carried in my wishlist, I have known friends who desired to bend the rules for the longest time. Many live a compromised life, by picking a degree that made others happy, choosing to sacrifice their own needs in order to meet those of others and in worst case scenarios they are morose about life and give up all hope.

This isn’t healthy, this isn’t what life is about. I may have moments and sometimes weeks of dip in my intention and effort. I am human.

Photo by Tracy Adams from Unsplash

And I am enough. I sit with that thought everyday. truly consider it and what that means.
It is nobody’s idea but my own when it comes to making the final decision on what I truly want from myself. The curiosity and in some cases, the ignorance or even indifference of others must not overwhelm me. In a time of crisis, the best of us lose sight of our boundaries and that of our loved ones. However when it comes to difficult times, the people who matter most will be supportive and understand.

I have learnt that ones who have an honest connection with me will surely understand.

I realised the law of attraction is so real. Once I started seeing the beautiful in myself, others see it and admire it as well.
We all have so many silent admirers, people who fall a little in love with you when they see you on the street, in a bookshop, at a cafe or even in a parking bay.

The world gets a little better every time you actualise kindness and act with love. We are all human, you never know what others are going through. Smile at a stranger, wave thanks to people in traffic, appreciate customer service. It’s the small acts that add up.
I am consumed by an appreciation for the simple. Again, I believe in competition. Without competition, the brain would be a dead organ. But it ought to be healthy competition. Where I give it a go, I sweat it out, I release all that I withhold. The result thereof must only temporarily stay with me. That’s all there is to it. These are my favourite words of wisdom for my elder son.
I want to be gentle with myself.

I wish to take more deep breaths and perform more compassionate acts towards myself first.
Because of all the people in the world, I love myself first and most.

(Thankyou for reading the article!)

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How drying clothes in the yard with my son, seasoned our life with love.

Photo by Eric Jan Leusink from Unsplash

“The cool breeze surprised the shoreline, wrinkling the water as the waves lovingly rolled toward her in bubbly silver lines.
It lifted the curly short hair at her shoulder and ruffled the hem of her full skirt. She braided her hair to keep the stiff sea breeze from tossing curls in her face and smiled at nothingness.”

These are notes from last year’s autumn, when I had visited a beach for a holiday, in the western coast of India.

Thrice a week atleast, I grab a bucket full of wet clothes and spread them out into the sunshine.

Often, I am helped, by my four year old son, handing me one soggy item after another so that I could peg faster. Sometimes this reminds me of childhood when mom would hook the line with the wired pole and hoist it high into the roof to keep the sheets off the ground.
One of my fondest childhood memories involves my mother and the clothesline that stretched across our huge balcony in delhi.
In the present times, left to me, the clothes would not have any particular arrangement, even if the sun or wind were positioned differently..but that thought would deprive my little one of direct access to the possibility of dipping his hands in the bucket and making merry.
My mom grew up with line dried clothes. She lived in north Kerala where it was hot and dry. There, like in most small towns then, they line dried the clothes so the cotton sheets and towels got that stiff feeling. I used to participate for years when I visited my grandmother. That’s what I love. I noticed that the towels are kind of scratchy when I get them off the line and I love it! I feel like they actually dry instead of just the smearing water around.
Now, I live the advantages of a high raised floor in Mumbai..in this regard, with vast open space and no adjacent blocks to cover my view..which means uninterrupted flow of breeze as may happen.
Sometimes, when the sun is dipping and I pull a chair to read besides it..I love watching the clothes flap in the breeze and shine in the sun’s reflection. There is something soothing about it.
Its therapeutic.

Spending some time in the porch or yard for drying clothes whenever one can, and of course when one can peacefully intend to..has some gentle advantages. I can list out these that I experienced..

  • It was a great self-confidence boost for my son because he saw that he was really helping me. I was surprised to see how he would happily volunteer each time.
  • I saw that was a great opportunity to talk with my boy about the character and importance of the wind and the sun. For example, it is sunny in the mornings in our balcony, so we try to hang the clothes that time.
  • Taking the cloth off when they are dry and putting the clothes into the basket is fun too. I would heap him with clothes and it was a source of laughter and good banter.
  • As for me, I learnt, that I like to feel the gentle breeze brushing across my face and tugging my hair. If I let the wind talk to me, it arrives at it’s own pace and it goes away after whatever it has to say. It does not come with expectations.

The shifts in the wind speed and direction, reminds me of all the variations in my moods and challenges.
The breeze in my yard, tells me how I must honour them.
It guides me to understand that instead of becoming a prisoner to the challenges in my life, I must wait it out with extreme patience and based on the currents, carefully manoeuvre my life.

I genuinely like hanging out clothes to dry. Most of the time, it’s a few minutes of peace with my thoughts, Iam on auto pilot mode and mechanically doing something with my hands. While my body is busy doing something rote and routine, my mind is free to wander.
And of course, in the not so rare situation that my four-year-old joins me, he hangs the clothes in all sorts of artistic ways (which I often re-do when he’s not looking)…he plays an important part in handing me one as needed.

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Why you must not worry too much, about not being able to get anything done…

“The idea of divine inspiration and an aha moment is largely a fantasy. Anything of value comes from hard work and unwavering dedication. If you want to be a good artist you need to look at other artists, make a lot of crappy art, and just keep working.” — Sydney Pink

Whether you’re a painter, food artist, singer, sports writer, web designer, photographer, or another type of artist – there are going to be days where you find it extremely difficult to create something.

Few days ago, my mind was worried and I was caught up in a cycle of stress about other things.
It was a basket of mixed feelings I had.
At times, Iam inspiration-less, where I have the motivation but just can’t think of anything good to do. At other times, Iam motivation-deprived, where I have the idea but just don’t really wanna.
The last and my least favourite but most familiar state, where Iam so pumped to get this thing done! But there’s that other thing, and, your show is on, or your kids steal you, you figure that you are listed at other jobs, and you’ll just do it tomorrow.
The last one is most of us.
Soon, I wasn’t surprised that I was struggling to create anything at all!

Motivating yourself to be productive isn’t always easy. Some days, boredom takes over and the last thing you want to do is strike off your to-do list. Maybe I have a hard time motivating myself to do chores around the house or exercise or start that big plan for work. But whatever tasks I struggle with the most, it’s possible to overcome laziness and be my most productive self at home, at work, or wherever.
I have been writing for a while now and when I look back at some of the things I wrote a few months or even a year ago, I see how much my skills have improved and my thought process and style has taken some decent shape.

If you are an artist, you’ve had days where you hit a wall with your creativity. You don’t know what to paint, you’re not sure where to start, and you don’t really have the motivation to create anything. You have zero inspiration. Sound familiar?

Having said this, recently I figured a light hearted solution to my problem. I roped in, my elder son. We decided that each one of us will execute a productive act before the end of day, each day. At the end of the day, we must talk to each other about what we did. This, I thought, would atleast encourage my ‘son’ to become more disciplined about his days. Over a week I learnt that I was embarassing myself. Interestingly, he took the deal quite seriously. Recording my excuse everyday was getting harder and so was to expect him to believe the same ones, over and over.
Try this for yourself. I assure you the urge to procrastinate itself will dwindle. This is how I got over with it. I cannot guarantee this method for all of you out there but believe in yourself and always think of what you care for the most in this world before doing anything.

My best advice for anyone, if you’re art blocked and feeling uninspired to create your specific art that you excel at, is to do another kind of art. Paint with actual paint and brushes, make paper crafts, record some music, repaint a picture, edit a video, sculpt something, decorate a notebook, sew something, make a comic, look at memes, start a youtube channel with a new theme.. just like do something you don’t do every single day and it’ll feel new and cool and fun and inspiring.

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Lost in a sea of emotions!

Has it ever happened, that you started reading a book, and you couldn’t resist from finishing the book as soon as possible…?

It was the only thing in mind those days , and whenever you get the time, either at work, or even during commute to work, be at home or a pleasant evening in the park, you were just thinking about a particular scene in the book.

One of my favourite book is The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini. Khaled Hosseini’s writing in this book is so vivid that one can actually visualise all the scenes.

The reason this book occupies a special place in my memory is the recitation of heartrending paragraphs and dialogues. The complex nature of human relations against a dangerous and hopelessly fearsome backdrop makes this book not just a story of longing but also of deepest human emotions.

Khaled Hosseini in this book, indicates that the popular notion that time heals all wounds is just not true. It also drives home the assurance how friendships formed in the young age don’t perish with the passage of time.

This book explores the life of a misfit and his urge to be accepted by the society.

This book is a must read, if you have ever felt the pain of separation, if you have ever felt guilt beyond measure, if you have always been a misfit.

Reading emotionally twisted novels certainly isn’t my endgame..books on spies and terror being my personal favourite…but still some of us love to be captivated by stories that reaches us on multiple levels, including longing and specially in my case, stoic relationships.

Perhaps, we like these stories because they effortlessly connect us with people and circumstances that we dream up in our own minds. That we relate them to our subconscious selves, makes the impact significantly deeper.

Do books make me cry? I would wonder sometimes, is there anything better than a good cry?
I haven’t come across an experience as wonderful as that yet. But I understand, the emotional release some readers get which is so deeply satisfying that it can power them for days.

Human experience is quite similar yet reading the powerful, joyful and sometimes heart-wrenching stories of others can be a life changer.
Always, they will be a part of my growing collection.

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Reader’s thoughts…

Reading Doris Lessing is like a part of my consciousness.
One of my very favourite authors.
How many of us remember doing this, round and round the mullberry bush, in a puddle, in the dust, on the street, cold stiff hands or sweaty palms, depending on the season, laughter the only reason.

Have you ever absolutely loved a writer? I have.

Like, if I meet them personally I will give them a big hug and ask for a picture , I would like to say thank you for all their inspiring posts , all of it that gives me confidence and positive vibes that sometimes it’s okay not to be okay 🙂

Most of the time, the posts perfectly reflect what I truly feel inside. It always feels as if I authored the words even though I clearly didn’t. 😅
I absolutely love those works. Its like reading about my personal feelings and my life everyday through them. The comfort it brings, when I know, that so many people out there– feel or have felt the same. If we could meet that would be serendipitous indeed !

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