Tag: people

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I am an Introvert and I know how to have some serious fun.

I am an introvert.

This word defines my existence- the quality of my interactions with others and myself, the quality of my creative self-expression, and the quality of the love in my heart.
Okay, having said that, how many of us cringe at being branded as shy!

We spend our lives fighting accusations of being stuck up, lonely, bashful, averse to conversations and a poor team player.

Infact more often than not, all the above is a figment of imagination.
Let me try and break it up at a general level.

We are alive, cheerful, listening and observing you. We may not talk to you about just everything you may bring to the table, but we will talk to you about life for hours.
And if we open up ourselves to you, know that it means you are very special to us.

Now, read this carefully-

‘As an introvert, I crave meaningful one to one conversation with a like-minded person. When in large groups, I tend to get quiet, and often I’ll get lost in the shuffle. I will shut down completely if the crowd is too large and loud. I’ll make an early exit as soon as I feel overwhelmed. The truth is, I feel more lonely in a large group than I would just being alone. Ahhh…but those conversations with just you and me are like magic. I come alive once again. I open up and invite you to know the real me. It kindles my heart and warms my soul when I capture your undivided attention . No disturbance, no distraction, no interruption.’

It is just our natural temperament and we contribute to the human race in bulk.

For those who struggle to understand if there is anything in life at all that we enjoy, let me try my bit-

1. To begin with most of us have a terrific sense of humour. We can be funny and interesting and most of you have no idea to what extremes.
2. When you see us enjoy that cup of coffee by ourselves, in a bookshop, we are not left out or looking for someone through eternity, to fill the gloom. We go looking for those corner spots.enjoying that perfect little state, between sociability and quiet.
3. When you ask me, why don’t you speak, in all probability I have nothing to say. I just enjoy sitting next to you and listening to you as you speak, crack jokes and having me in splits.Please don’t push me to produce any jokes of my own.
4. You cannot comprehend how much we like depth and space. We look for connections and will not let you go if we find you awesome. We will make it up to you, by entertaining you in our ridiculous ways.
5. Socializing can be draining on us, but trust us when we say, we will never let you be bored. We are full of ideas. Interesting ones. We may appear like we sit and stare at the ceiling when we are not with people, but we can process adventure in the most ordinary settings.
6. Want an understanding confidante! Everyone wants one. We will always be there for you. We dint speak much. And the least we will do is, speak about you to someone else. Most of the timez we are lazy to do that. Jokes apart, no one does practical behind-the-scene work as brilliantly as we do.

Being an extroverted, socially aplomb person is a great thing. I have no friends who are like me. They are all super extroverts. Infact, I will go a step ahead and announce that a couple of my closest and dearets friends, whom I talk to or chat with, almost everyday, are true party girls. They are beautiful, intelligent, socially brilliant and can attend a couple of rock shows, in the same day.

Don’t feel bad about being introverted though. Start by getting to know people who are introverted too and read some books at the bookstore about introversion. I think this will help you not feel bad about it because you will learn that your not alone and there are many introverted people out there.

Introverts can be highly creative, introspective, and discerning… all great qualities.
Our brains are no different from yours, we are not less or more intelligent, just differently skilled.

Besides those who know me up close would promise that I do the loudest and stupidest random shit, when I get comfortable.

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How life changed when I invested in Buddhist readings!

I get addicted to anything that makes me feel anything. Because not a lot of things make me feel.

Let me explain how life is complicated and a turmoil, mostly.

About three years ago, I started buying books on Zen and Buddhism, straining my eyes, heart and mind searching for demonstrable results.

I read everything. I didn’t understand most of it, but I tried.

I was born in a South Indian Kerala- Nair family. Of whatever memory I have of the 40 years, I lived so far, my family was not deeply religious nor were they dabbling in meditations and philosophies. Intellectually the feeling was good. It was a straightforward staring into reality mode, most of the time.
Hence, discovery of Buddhist readings was rejuvenating and to a large extent, honestly, entertaining.

So, the basic line was that everything depends on us, how we do the thinking . Therefore to be positive. Think positive and as a habit formation then, spread the happiness to all around you.

Now this is how life slowly, certainly not dramatically changed for the better.

I have a problem in dealing with arguments. Well, not the business, formal ones. With limited emotional outpour in those valleys, my performances there, are usually stellar. I can dip in and come out and I have rarely ruffled sentiments and in the rare cases I do, we find a calm solution.

My weaknesses come to the fore in the other kind. With friends, relatives and in matters of the heart, I fail to deliver on emotional grounds.
If the argument, gets out of hand, I would find myself at a place, from where it is often, difficult to return.
Sadly this new position of hostility becomes solidified and what was once an enjoyable relationship becomes over-shadowed with bitterness – not a good place to be.

For as long as I can remember, I have always crossed back into my own mind when I am upset. Talking to others during these times makes me feels bothersome, at best. This is not conducive to connecting and is usually not helpful in healing, but it’s the way I “work”.

I have always been in awe of friends and acquaintances who have the marvellous ability to let their pain show without drama, pride or self-beating.

Vulnerability has never come easy to me. Yet here I am pouring myself onto a page, day after day. If you were to ask me about it face to face, I would smile a little and maybe throw a laugh in there.
Damn! I can’t be confronted with pity pupils and I am sorry smiles. I retreat inward, I pull up my shields, it’s something I wish I didn’t have to do.

I am a work in progress now and the progress is good.
I give up on people slower and hold on to people tighter. Slipping happens rarely. I have shown an improved ability to read vibes and radiating the appropriate ones.
Earlier, patience never come easy to me, it was a ‘I want what I want, I want it now, no delay’ situation, in my life.
If they hesitated I would move on.
It’s romantic in a way now, when I am steady with my affections .

In slow and painful moments, I remind myself that there are good things left. there are good things coming. there are good things waiting for me. whoever I am, wherever I am, however I am, it can and it will get better.

It’s really great to have someone’s support before you accomplish something big because that’s when you need it the most, so here’s some friendly ghost support for the times before people recognize your greatness!

(Thank-you for reading this article!)

My passion is writing. Everything I write about is geared toward things that I deeply cares about—experiences, thoughts, drama, and emotions. A full-time mom to two handsome boys—11 and 4—I built a career around insurance underwriting and later, teaching of English literature and language in high school, before vanishing into full-time mommy responsibilities. I believe that life is not meant to be serious all of the time, and that we should have fun as much as we can. Besides writing, I enjoy watching spy network series and living it up by creating laugh memes with my two lovely young boys!

To follow my work on.

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I glow without stealing someone else’s sunshine!

Heard the song ‘You can’t break me’ by V Bozeman?

It’s great when you have a friend that gets you – you don’t need to break everything you say down for them to understand – they are rare and most precious people.

I say this from personal experience. We were close, I think. I had met her after a gap of few years. It was a new feeling. Perhaps, even exciting. We were close suddenly.

After about a year of sweet interaction, things changed dramatically. I felt they expected me to be a certain way, perhaps even critical and condescending about just everyone who would hava a good cahnce at life.
I never understand this need to talk about others. I used to take it upon myself to be more present and just not speak when I didn’t have anything to contribute.

I don’t like making my life a subject for anyone and likewise for others too.
Similarly, I would show a complete disinterest in all that she had to talk about any one else, mostly who never mattered to either of us.

After months, I looked in the mirror at myself and spoke out loud, “I’m pissed at you.”

This wasn’t a comment directed at myself, but at a close friend of mine — the person I had started to resent a few weeks prior, but instead of bringing it up at the time, I remained silent, distant, passive.

So there I was, alone at home practicing the very words I wanted to utter on several occasions over several calls, uncertain that I’d have the courage to make it happen. I am always struggling with finding the right way to let the people I care about know that I’m upset, disappointed or simply pissed off.
I felt a huge burden on myself.

Initially I couldn’t quite put a finger to what was really going wrong . I nevertheless tried to make up with listening time extended, more calls and appreciation messages on occasions and keeping touch, whenever I felt a dip in the connection.

I felt it was all wrong. Not working for me, like I would like it to.

After a while, it was awful to realise they just didn’t care, how I would be hurt and that perhaps they found fault in me, for not living up to a certain expectation of a friend.
I understood we all have our lists of perfect qualities. I knew I didn’t match up to theirs.

They had other requirements and clearly I couldn’t have of them! I spent months on my own, day by day, as I got over it with the help of some rational self talk.

Sometimes we find ourselves at crossroads with people that we may have been excited to form bonds with at first, and yet are left wondering why they’re still in your phone contacts or friends on social media now.

Sure enough, it can be painful, but it’s alright to shrug your shoulders and say, “We had a beautiful connection once, and I’m grateful for it: but now we’re just in really different places.”

Drifting apart doesn’t mean you have to formally sever ties, but it’s OK to find yourself less invested in a friendship that used to be, if not your entire world, an exciting part of it.

It doesn’t make me or them a bad person — it’s just about coming to terms with the knowledge that sometimes our full original selves just don’t match with old friends anymore.

(Thank-you for reading this article!)

My passion is writing. Everything I write about is geared toward things that I deeply cares about—experiences, thoughts, drama, and emotions. A full-time mom to two handsome boys—11 and 4—I built a career around insurance underwriting and later, teaching of English literature and language in high school, before vanishing into full-time mommy responsibilities. I believe that life is not meant to be serious all of the time, and that we should have fun as much as we can. Besides writing, I enjoy watching spy network series and living it up by creating laugh memes with my two lovely young boys!

To follow my work on.

https://www.facebook.com/sayitnish
http://instagram.com/sayitnish
https://sayitnish.com/

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I landed a man who also became my best friend.

(Photo by Heather Mount from Unsplash)

When I first met him, I was like this person desperately looking for companionship….I can say that I was almost looking for a bond of need. Deep inside, I knew that it was destined to fail because you cannot drink from an empty cup. I must search desperately for meaning and fullness that will fill the void within myself first.
The hunger never ends, as nothing can satisfy it except creating meaning within my own self. I grew up frenzied, inevitably falling to disappointment.
I was fortunate to have loving parents but there was always this thirst for finding meaning and an anchor in another.

I was mostly attached to the idea, the concept, the ideal that I had created in my mind of the other person; and so with the passing of years I learnt that it only leads to further heartache. When I grew up onto a strong, quite mature person I realised that paradoxically, in this hunger to find meaning in another, I might be either consciously or unconsciously blinded to each other’s true interests and passions; and thereby make an attempt to overwrite the other’s world with my own fears. And I did for a while. My worries and anxieties became his to worry about for a little time as well.

He came from a moment of rightness, of peace, of calm, of feeling at home. He taught me that instead of need, there is want and choice, which are completely different things and so does not cling desperately for anchor in another. Someone who took ownership of their inner wounds, their weaknesses, their shortcomings.

This is what is attractive. When, he knows that in order for a relationship to work, both will have to invest continuously, that at every dawn a new choice is to be made, that love isn’t just an endless honeymoon dictated by moods or needs or changing hearts; that love is choosing each other day by day, and knowing that there will be times when one will have to carry most of the weight to compensate for an imbalance, whatever the reason may be for this, or sometimes both will carry it equally, and so forth.

They know that in the end, it’s all about intent and choice, as long as they both hold on and want to be with each other, they will keep doing whatever necessary to make it work.
Most of all, they know that time changes things, that people evolve, and that is absolutely natural and essential for a joyous union, and to this end they strive to encourage and support you also in becoming our very best selves, in pursuing whatever passions set our heart alight.

With time, our bond has only strengthened like flowers in a garden. He and I were like a powerhouse of love, of unbreakable commitment, a power couple in its truest form. It is a divine union because there is nothing that cannot be achieved by two people that have reached such a state of friendship and intentional living.

I love him and he is my best friend.

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I love you guys, but spare me your sarcasm…

‘Listen, smile, agree. And then do whatever the fuck you were gonna do anyway.’
Robert Downey Jr.

(Photo by Christian Lambert from Unsplash)

Every time we level up in life, we have to readjust our boundaries. what was okay before, no longer works. The people in our lives, self care rituals, the environments, and situations we engage with must all adjust and meet our new vibrational frequency, in order to be sustained.

I understand sarcasm. People use it often in their interactions. We all do. While on most occasions it is supposed to indicate friendly banter, it is belittling to many.

Here I share my thoughts about the harmful kind.

I have noticed how, for some people it’s practically the primary language, absolutely intended specifically to make the other person feel stupid. When you’re always sarcastic, people won’t want to be around you because people don’t want to feel stupid.Sarcasm has a two-faced quality: it’s both funny and mean.

In their defence, I could say that it gives them an internal satisfaction, inner peace and a feeling that could be compared to a-punch-in-the-face through their mean words.
Not only is it rude, but I’ve found that people who are “always sarcastic” tend to be unfunny.
I have ceased to interact with many friends because of their terrible addiction for self depreciation and when you don’t play the ball with them, they feel strained and nurture this obsessive need to spew nursed bitterness.
Often, many of them are left wondering why I don’t speak to them anymore.

I feel attracted to charming men and women. People who exude charm assume that no body is boring; they realize that when you’re contemplating a person’s story or their passions, you are genuinely looking for more information about them, and they’re going to value you for this.

I am forty and have had a fair share of bullying and sarcastic friends in my journey yet. I can say confidently that I have learnt my way around this terror. Some of them are unrelenting.

They would want to figure out why you wouldn’t want to connect with them anymore, as you learn to live around them. It’s a tongue in cheek situation. It is the easiest to ignore them and make it known in polite ways, that perhaps you are busy or would connect with them at a time soonest when you can.
People that like to be vindictive with words and poke fun at somebody, apparently in a friendly situation, really don’t have much going on with their intellectual mechanisms and have a lot of growing up to do. I mean really how boring do you have to be to take pleasure in somebody else’s embarrassment and unease. I can think of a million and one things I’d rather do, than that.

Over the years, I told myself, that most of the time when people point out others faults, its to draw attention away from their own. I don’t have the skill for reverse sarcasm and I convince myself again, that I am a decent human being and I am better than that right?

(Thankyou for reading this article!)

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The reason I love myself more than anyone else and why I feel that is important…

Photo courtesy- my own

I think life gets easier once you find your strong meaning or purpose.

For some, this means even spending your life, searching for this purpose.

I started having this conversation with myself- regarding purpose and it helped me understand what degree I should take, what careers I should explore.
My life’s purpose is to help myself first. Finding my own purpose is an extremely personal and lengthy journey and I started by asking myself “what makes me happy” “what makes me fulfilled” “what could I spend my life doing” “if I look back on my life when I’m old, what do I hope to have achieved”
I have read and experienced in significant ways that my life is built by what I make it, I am the author of my own story and that I have the obscure power to decide where I let life lead me.
No matter what anyone says, we all deserve happiness. It is not selfish, we may avoid making a gaudy show of it, certainly. I deserve to put myself first and clear my mind and body of stress and diseases.

While I have been fortunate, lived up mostly close to the images I carried in my wishlist, I have known friends who desired to bend the rules for the longest time. Many live a compromised life, by picking a degree that made others happy, choosing to sacrifice their own needs in order to meet those of others and in worst case scenarios they are morose about life and give up all hope.

This isn’t healthy, this isn’t what life is about. I may have moments and sometimes weeks of dip in my intention and effort. I am human.

Photo by Tracy Adams from Unsplash

And I am enough. I sit with that thought everyday. truly consider it and what that means.
It is nobody’s idea but my own when it comes to making the final decision on what I truly want from myself. The curiosity and in some cases, the ignorance or even indifference of others must not overwhelm me. In a time of crisis, the best of us lose sight of our boundaries and that of our loved ones. However when it comes to difficult times, the people who matter most will be supportive and understand.

I have learnt that ones who have an honest connection with me will surely understand.

I realised the law of attraction is so real. Once I started seeing the beautiful in myself, others see it and admire it as well.
We all have so many silent admirers, people who fall a little in love with you when they see you on the street, in a bookshop, at a cafe or even in a parking bay.

The world gets a little better every time you actualise kindness and act with love. We are all human, you never know what others are going through. Smile at a stranger, wave thanks to people in traffic, appreciate customer service. It’s the small acts that add up.
I am consumed by an appreciation for the simple. Again, I believe in competition. Without competition, the brain would be a dead organ. But it ought to be healthy competition. Where I give it a go, I sweat it out, I release all that I withhold. The result thereof must only temporarily stay with me. That’s all there is to it. These are my favourite words of wisdom for my elder son.
I want to be gentle with myself.

I wish to take more deep breaths and perform more compassionate acts towards myself first.
Because of all the people in the world, I love myself first and most.

(Thankyou for reading the article!)

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This is why I love being around you!

People who are seen as ‘nice’ are often interpreted as weak or passive.

It’s possible that there are some passively nice people out there, but in my experience, most of the nicest people I know are stubborn, angry, articulate, active, wildly intelligent and deeply caring. They bring immense effort to being pleasant, helpful, useful and supportive, even sometimes to just not saying the mean thing, even though it would be easier. Perhaps even because it would be easier.

And for some of us it can be really damn hard but goddamn, we are trying.
Iam not saying that leaving a stupidly high tip for your waitress at the diner just because it’s Tuesday, would fix things and make your sads go away forever. But perhaps it will help. Sometimes just to be nice. Just to be good.
Sometimes it is really damn hard, but the point is to try.
I just do what I feel like doing, that’s it for me.

Frankly most of us rarely face such compelling circumstances that aren’t of our creation.
Iam going to talk about myself here, as an illustrative example.
Many of my friends are genuinely, quite fervent in their conviction that Iam a good person. This is a result of many conscious decisions and deliberate actions, I perform, of a good person.
Some of my friends are also aware of another side of me. Because there is bound within, also the capacity of mundane evils. These go unexpressed because I so choose. It is a slow lesson.
I’ve always thought of it like a campfire. You can’t just toss some wood in a pit and make fire: it will fizzle out assuming it even starts. You have to nurture it, slowly feeding it more and more until it’s ready for the big logs. Then I have got a fire that will last. Being good, I understood is the same way. You start with the small things: holding the door open for the person right after you( this is a big one..no one likes the door coming back rushing to their face), tidying up your own mess wherever you are, supporting your friend’s business.
Then come the big ones: listening to someone’s troubles, not snapping back when someone insults you (this I have come a long way), smiling first when you lock eyes with strangers accidentally. Like in the case of great fire, this kindling is necessary for great friendships, I am learning.
It all comes down to personal choice. Keeping away from negative vibes, slowly, politely and then permanently, is my favourite game these days.
This was a huge comfort to write and aah, I really hecking needed it!

Thankyou for reading the article!

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Random feelings inside an elevator!

Photo courtesy- Vale Zmekov from Unsplash

Are you an elevator person?

Do you walk into the elevator comfortably and hang out with the rest of them peacefully and in total union with the silence, till your destination arrives?

Or are you among the ones, who see it as a suspension of their autonomy and in want of breathing space and involved in high intensity observation of the eeriness that has walked in presumably ‘with’ you?

For some of us, with no obvious means of escape, we just stand there in silence with a raging inner monologue within us.

I am the apt candidate in topic here. There was a time, I used to feel particularly uncomfortable in standing so close to someone and not being able to say a hello to them.
I would see them almost everyday and while the social contract would say it’s okay to nod and smile, have an exchange of mild greetings, there is a thick part of the population which hates to be exposed to either a stimulating conversation or perhaps gazing eyes at close quarters or the mightiest one of all, which I feel all the time, that they may not be interested in a conversation with me, anyway.

That sheer state of helplessness and hanging in the air feeling which some people exhibit is hugely supported by their actions when the elevator lands. They explode through the doors as if they were buried alive beneath six feet deep soil and were gasping for air.

This is besides many of us who figure out a way to check on their notifications, if signals do exist that is, or have a quick peak into their everflowing mailbox.
Worse, when you enter the elevator midway from the floor between, and are made to feel like a criminal, for bringing any ongoing conversation between the occupants to an abrupt end.
I have claustrophobia and Iam not the best candidate for an experiment but considering that a worry always nags me inside a lift anyway…of God forbid, being mortally stuck inside…

I hence am a great admirer of people who smile instantaneously and invite me with a warm hello which I assure becomes a claustrophobic’s favourite moment and the invitor, a forever favourite liftmate.

Over the years I have internalised a few basic elevator basics to make both myself and the fellow occupant of the elevator comfortable:
1. I make very brief but pleasant eye contact with the person either entering after me or to the one who is already there, when I walk in.
2. If they are a familiar face courtesy- frequent elevator travel, I make sure that I nod or smile and keep a positive demeanour that is mostly well-received by fellow riders.
3. If they are focussed on something—anything—else in the elevator, I let out a friendly but nonchalant ‘hey’.

4. Post the salutation, I usually turn away and have my own ‘looking at the floor’ moment, which gives others the chance to enjoy the ride in peace, without forcing them to engage in small talk.

While practicing good elevator etiquettes is not the motive of this article, it is a good feeling when people don’t feel trapped, in jeopardy or uncomfortable in an otherwise not so dangerous zone.

Thankyou for reading the article!

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