Tag: fun

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These moments are irresistible.

Photo by Sapan Patel from Unsplash

(And some of the best moments in our life are yet to come.)

Maybe the kind of home we’re looking for is not the place or in a person, you know. Maybe we just want to find ourselves because we have lost track of who we are in the process of becoming acceptable to the eyes of everyone. That is the hardest part of being lost.

There’s also something beautiful and magical about sharing your thoughts to somebody. After all that’s one of the best thing we could ever experience in life, to share parts of you to somebody, who waits and listens.

Do you feel it, too? Something has shifted, subtly, in the last few months. Just as we have become more mindful of diet, fitness, relationships and safety, we have become more mindful of the way we view the world. No longer can we behave at our will or transport ourselves to far away places like we do on a holiday. Those memories seem to be fading away in my mind. How about you? There’s also a longing to connect with all those places at a deeper level. All the old familiar places, I’ll be looking at you like I never visited you before.

(Thank-you for reading this article!)

My passion is writing. Everything I write about is geared toward things that I deeply cares about—experiences, thoughts, drama, and emotions. A full-time mom to two handsome boys—11 and 4—I built a career around insurance underwriting and later, teaching of English literature and language in high school, before vanishing into full-time mommy responsibilities. I believe that life is not meant to be serious all of the time, and that we should have fun as much as we can. Besides writing, I enjoy watching spy network series and living it up by creating laugh memes with my two lovely young boys!

To follow my work on.
https://www.facebook.com/sayitnish
http://instagram.com/sayitnish
https://sayitnish.com/

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Longing for friendship, in a busy coffee shop.

I am sitting at the table immediately next to the entrance desk of the Cafe.
I am waiting for a friend to arrive to meet me for a symbolic evening tea.

I must have arrived earlier than usual or so I think because the wait has now stretched to about twenty minutes and I was getting quietky self conscious.

The place around was cracking under the noise of hurried eating, using steel cutlery, clanking of beer bottles as people share a drink to their happiness, combined with the laughter and loud animated voices from the conversations, of all those over packed tables.
No table was waiting to be seized. Women dressed gorgeously were moving in and out of the restroom and there was a gush of people exiting the restaurant temporarily to light a cigarette. The graceful waiter would walk with his shoulder etched diagonally to make space for them, just in case they smashed into the large brown plate filled with pizzas, burgers, sandwiches and hot meals.

The attender gave me a knowing smile, every time, he passed me. I had a feeling I was the lonely one. I knew I had to do something to look occupied. I must not look like I am devoid of friends, rauccous stories and the vibrance associated with the upscale social life, as we see around us, into which we also are subconsciously working so hard to blend, with the associated precautions.

My day dreaming was cut short with a shrieking laughter of a woman in her late twenty’s who broke into a fit of back and forth sway of her body. She was delirious and was hoping to complete what she had to say through the fit of laughter that had gripped her.

It was nice. I enjoyed looking at her. I smiled too, beneath my lips. It relaxed me. I instantly shifted back on my chair, pushed myself to feel comfortable against the wooden hand bar and crossed my legs comfortably. My shoulders were relaxed this time, the stomach falling on me with all its natural weight and each round of breathing, clearly distinguishable from the one before.
Of course, my lovely friend walked in and we had a lovely time together. We smiled often, spoke about things that charmed me and her. We engaged in depth about how important it was, that we met.
Time passed and I felt an ache when I had to finally get up to leave.
It would mean that the good times would be coming to an end soon. That, from this beautifully orchestrated mood, I would soon be transported back into quietness, melancholy and the routine existence, which I so badly try and run away from.

I run to a crowded place like this and then again ruminate at the thought of being snatched away from magical moods. This is a never ending cycle. A cycle which comes and goes. Over which, we have no control but to endure and pass.
At such times, friends make life colorful. They are a desirable escape.
While my favourite moment was whem my stomach took its comfortable place, amidst heightened social anxiety and self enforced uneasiness, my friend was the icing on the cake.

I loved it.
I really enjoy my friends.

You end up not talking to anyone about anything for fear of being hurt. You cover your inner feelings with a smile and a joke. No one likes your truth.
But the truth is right there in that coffee shop. A perpetual longing for company and the struggle to feel comfortable in one’s skin.

(Thank-you for reading this article!)

My passion is writing. Everything I write about is geared toward things that I deeply cares about—experiences, thoughts, drama, and emotions. A full-time mom to two handsome boys—11 and 4—I built a career around insurance underwriting and later, teaching of English literature and language in high school, before vanishing into full-time mommy responsibilities. I believe that life is not meant to be serious all of the time, and that we should have fun as much as we can. Besides writing, I enjoy watching spy network series and living it up by creating laugh memes with my two lovely young boys!

To follow my work on.

https://www.facebook.com/sayitnish
http://instagram.com/sayitnish
https://sayitnish.com/

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You get so alone at times that it just makes sense.

I often wonder why do I feel alone with so many people around. How many of us feel like this?

I have this book resting on the table, in front of me, as I write. Charles Bukowski’s ‘You get so alone at times that it just makes sense’.

This arrived today….. I am 3 poems down.

I bought this on a whim after it was referred to in another book I was reading.
Through the pages,he describes some of his days, events, drowsy nights and moments of solitude.
One of those great books that will bring you to reality, with a knowing smile, endlessly. I like it very much.
I don’t have words for how much I need this right now ..
It s like he spoke for all of. In truth, why do we feel so if we don’t miss anything? Is this in the human nature?

In an alternate setting, I picture this-

I am watching the sun set in my porch with my hair loose and a book to hold. The sky is a combination of oranges and light greys disappearing into the hill, afar. There is a breeze but it’s warm so I let it soak into my tired evening skin.

I am sitting in the shade of twilight and smile for no particular reason… maybe the joy of nothing to do in the moment. contentedness is the word for it.

My muscles are relaxed, no nerve twitches, in the company of people who make me feel seen. Goodness, this is the place I would rather be.

I am singing a song while making my bed and kinda dancing to it, because it just hits different. I feel the lightness in my soul, maybe temporary and go with it, having fun and not caring who sees.

I look deep into the eyes of someone I know and see their beautiful heart. It will change my life for the better, when I do that little excited thing of telling them about it.

I see a new place and my body and soul is warm and fills with curiosity, with wonderment, because everything new that comes my way, takes away a little more pain from what I already knew.

These are the moments to be patient for.

These are the days I want to live for .

(Thank-you for reading this article!)

To follow my work on

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http://instagram.com/sayitnish
https://sayitnish.com/

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The different lives I want to live.

(Photo by Simon Hadjucki from Unsplash)

I just really love being with my own thoughts, my own space, room to work on myself, look after myself and not feel so overwhelmed.

A person is always influenced by people, society and media so much that it drives you to believe that you’re not enough, that you don’t have a voice to express yourself only because that you’re afraid of being not right! But when you’re alone, you are able to understand what you like, what you support, what you want to share and how to treat yourself and others.
That is a truly blessing!

I am grateful for the beautiful parts of my life, my ability to learn and grow, my capacity for love and understanding, my ability to adjust and adapt as needed. Grateful for the knowledge I possess and the endless potential I have.
I can’t even imagine being able to choose just one picture of me.

Like I want to be the alluring student in the back of the library all afternoon reading a love story , I want to be the sweet farm girl collecting strawberries and waking up early to pick flowers, I want to be an art student with paint all over my overalls getting up early to draw the city from my apartment balcony, I want to be a skater and a stoner with chains on my jeans and tattoos running up my arms, I want to be a witch living on the outskirts of town, my home filled with all manner of strange plants, animals and potions. I don’t have enough lifetimes for all the people I want to be and so I end up a messy combo of all of it and none of it at once.
Here’s to the stories you tell among your friends around campfires and will never be repeated again. Here’s to the witch in the cabin in the woods and the man with the hook hand on the road, here’s to the things that scare you and cannot be bought or sold. Here’s to the cheesy and gleeful and the ending where everyone lives because you can. Here’s to the things that are not art.
And here’s to the things that are, raise your glass with me, because you are making something bigger than ourselves into a world that would like to throw it out.

Make it bigger still, vaster, hungrier, so enormous that they can no longer label it or assign it value. Make art.

(Thank-you for reading this article!)

My passion is writing. Everything I write about is geared toward things that I deeply cares about—experiences, thoughts, drama, and emotions. A full-time mom to two handsome boys—11 and 4—I built a career around insurance underwriting and later, teaching of English literature and language in high school, before vanishing into full-time mommy responsibilities. I believe that life is not meant to be serious all of the time, and that we should have fun as much as we can. Besides writing, I enjoy watching spy network series and living it up by creating laugh memes with my two lovely young boys!

To follow my work on.

https://www.facebook.com/sayitnish
http://instagram.com/sayitnish
https://sayitnish.com/

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This is how we will open up to each other!

Photo by David Marcu from Unsplash

We hide so much of ourselves from each other. I do too, because of the fear of comparison and judgement.
Yet, this is how most of us, wake up on most mornings, with similar feelings.

I think the worst part is knowing that if I wanted to, really wanted to, if I tried hard enough, I could wake up and change everything. I could hang out with my friends and not be scared to run out of things to say. I can change my own life at any moment. But I don’t ‘want’ to, you see. How I love being sad, love rotting to boredom, in my room while people have fun without me, in another world. I love imagining little scenarios in my head instead of making them real, like a sad little child playing with dolls.

I love hybernating through seasons of joy. I think I would be bored otherwise. I am afraid to be great and to have everything I think I want. It terrifies me because what I really want, deep down, is to keep hiding. I am scared to admit it but it’s true. It’s the only thing I really love today.

I don’t love my friends all the time, or myself or my work.

As some days pass by, they leave me with a warm fuzzy feeling inside, those are the days I feel, I must jot down in a gratitude journal, to flip back through on my not so great days, to remember why I love life and being alive. Yes those days happen often. I dress up and feel sexy. I wear the smell of my favourite shampoo on my hair. I buy doughnuts and cookies and snap them with children, I listen to podcasts as I work the kitchen sink.

When we are in a dark place, our mind tricks us into thinking that all days are like this and covers our memories in a film of grey and ugliness. I wish to hold on to those days that leave me feeling like there is sunshine in my chest, take photos to remember them by, write notes to read them after days. Even post about them on Elephant!

I know there is something so magical in the environment I create around myself.
A smile at a stranger, a relaxed moment by the residence fountain, a gentleness towards myself and others and knowledge that those who live beyond are feeling the same everyday and looking out for me, like I am secretly, yearning for them.

(Thank-you for reading this article!)

My passion is writing. Everything I write about is geared toward things that I deeply cares about—experiences, thoughts, drama, and emotions. A full-time mom to two handsome boys—11 and 4—I built a career around insurance underwriting and later, teaching of English literature and language in high school, before vanishing into full-time mommy responsibilities. I believe that life is not meant to be serious all of the time, and that we should have fun as much as we can. Besides writing, I enjoy watching spy network series and living it up by creating laugh memes with my two lovely young boys!

To follow my work on

https://www.facebook.com/sayitnish
http://instagram.com/sayitnish
https://sayitnish.com/

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Love, expectations and all the shit that comes with it.

People have different capacity for love. They each have a specific size vessel in which they can fill and flow love. It took me a very long time to figure that out. That thought has given me clarity and peace.

I have a couple of friends who are single at my age.

Clearly, they are single because they chose to be on that path.

The reasons may be one of the following-

Firstly,they are simply not interested in being in a serious relationship at a particular point in time. They have a career to build, no care for other distractions and their hands are full to make promises of a lifetime, yet.

Others are single due to the circumstances of their lives. Pressing and mysterious circumstances knock at everyone’s door, once in a while.

Third, they may have just gotten out of a meaningful relationship or have dated relentlessly and just haven’t found someone with whom they’re truly compatible.

Some of my friends, never had a problem finding good men to date. When I spoke to them about what they think, they almost unanimously answered that they believed, there is always- someone for everyone. If one man, or woman is “not the one” they may lead you to someone who is. Never drop your standards. Be honest, do a honest self evaluation on yourself. Ask close friends. Some of yours may come up with something similar.

I have another set of well meaning friends who don’t think they exist and are now, tired of being disappointed. It’s not even like they need a carbon copy of themselves , just someone halfway considerate, kind, and appreciative. But goodness, people can be shit.

Damn right. The intensity of your emotions should be understood and reciprocated equally. Else you end up being drained in every relationship.

I have a simple thought on this. Just give up and enjoy your life the best you can. Not everyone is meant for someone, that doesn’t mean you’re doomed to have an awful life. I would tell my buddies this thing- that being single is better than being lonely and in a relationship. Don’t settle, don’t sell yourself short! I wonder how one could invest their feelings into someone or just anyone, just to not be alone.

Good partnerships are worth the wait. Everyone’s capacity for love (romantically) is different. It took me some time to learn this.. So many are shallow and/or materialistic or just willing to settle with comfortability. I always say that some people’s love is as deep as a puddle while others is as deep as the sea. I need depth, passion, soul changing love. It can leave you utterly devastated when lost but its the only kind of love that’s worth it .

I’ve been with my husband for fifteen years. We are almost complete opposites, including the way we show love.

Yes we have had ups and downs, been through the F- word journey and still do, almost every day and pardon me God, I wouldn’t get the joy of making up to anyone else but him. The extreme friend and companion.
While a miracle partnership isn’t happening anywhere in the world, common sense would say, enjoy being alone which very few of us can embrace. If you can handle and be happy at the same time of being alone by all means, you can handle any situation with or without someone… Cheers everyone and breathe, remember we all have one life, try not to complicate that.
And to all my single friends, I absolutely love you! I’m so proud of you and your super shiny spirit!!!

(Thank-you for reading this article!)

My passion is writing. Everything I write about is geared toward things that I deeply cares about—experiences, thoughts, drama, and emotions. A full-time mom to two handsome boys—11 and 4—I built a career around insurance underwriting and later, teaching of English literature and language in high school, before vanishing into full-time mommy responsibilities. I believe that life is not meant to be serious all of the time, and that we should have fun as much as we can. Besides writing, I enjoy watching spy network series and living it up by creating laugh memes with my two lovely young boys!

To follow my work on.

https://www.facebook.com/sayitnish
http://instagram.com/sayitnish
https://sayitnish.com/

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Why I choose kindness as a remedy to almost all my problems.

(Photo by Andrea Tummons from Unsplash)

Do you ever feel so absolutely disinclined to do things?

Like it ain’t even postponement or laziness anymore, you just physically and mentally can’t bring yourself to do anything. It is like I really, really just wish to binge watch Discovery Plus, my favourite channel, until my mind numbs completely or lie on the bed and stare into the abyss.

And it’s not like I don’t have “motivation” or anything or even that I don’t want to do it, it’s just..I can’t. I don’t know, how people just do things randomly, get up and go at it. I have to have an entire existential crisis and like, read a goddamn motivational passage or something first before I do the smallest thing on a particularly difficult day and it’s June for God’s sake. ..and not much of monsoon to help ease the heat.

And just at times as these, sometimes I am immovably sunken. I just want someone to be kind and ask me how Iam doing and genuinely. It feels so good to be kind. We are all, rowing our heavy bars through the tough waters. We all hesitate.

But we are hopelessly looking for kind souls. It’s the warm feeling you get when someone tells me that I look nice today, or that I did a good job, or that my voice sounds lovely, or that the dinner I put together was delicious, or how I always laugh at their jokes.

It’s the warm feeling you get when they respond bashfully, or surprised, with that small smile and a thankfulness that shines in their eyes. It feels so good when someone is kind to you.

When it feels like the effort you put into the world is seen and acknowledged and appreciated. It feels so good when you’re able to make someone feel that wonderful.
It is certainly one of the best ways to build connections, if only for those few minutes that you’re in conversation with the other person.
All I want to do sometimes, on these days, is to put one foot in front of the other and be grateful.

I love the contagious nature of kindness. Have you noticed ..when someone goes out of their way to show kindness just because, it spurs others to do the same. I like simple things.

1. Giving them attention. Intentional eye contact and an inviting smile are my favourite ways to be nice. Everyone likes that.
2. Check on your neighbours once in a while. If it looks awkward, call them still and let them know that you just wanted to say a hello and ask if everything is going well with them. I have understood through practice that it wins hearts.
3. Smile at the person waiting next to you at the billing area. In most cases, they have similar agenda. They wish to collect their stuff, reach home to family.
4. Ask about someone’s pet as you meet them on your way. Ask how do they call them and say a kind word. It wins hearts.
5. Many an exhausted parent struggle when their toddler throws a wild tantrum in public space. I am a mother. I know it is a tricky situation. If you find someone in that situation, look at them with a smile and wink at them. Let them know it’s perfectly normal.
6. Say thank-you to the parking meter guy. He will be proud of his job.
7. Wish friends and acquaintances on their birthdays and send specially emoji-ed messages. It makes them happy. They will be find you attractive.

Good things happen tobhood people is a universal saying. In my modified personal note, I would say good vibes make you incredibly attractive.

Let’s make love!

(Thankyou for reading the article!)

Do follow my work on.

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View at Medium.com
http://nishakartik.blogspot.com/

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How drying clothes in the yard with my son, seasoned our life with love.

Photo by Eric Jan Leusink from Unsplash

“The cool breeze surprised the shoreline, wrinkling the water as the waves lovingly rolled toward her in bubbly silver lines.
It lifted the curly short hair at her shoulder and ruffled the hem of her full skirt. She braided her hair to keep the stiff sea breeze from tossing curls in her face and smiled at nothingness.”

These are notes from last year’s autumn, when I had visited a beach for a holiday, in the western coast of India.

Thrice a week atleast, I grab a bucket full of wet clothes and spread them out into the sunshine.

Often, I am helped, by my four year old son, handing me one soggy item after another so that I could peg faster. Sometimes this reminds me of childhood when mom would hook the line with the wired pole and hoist it high into the roof to keep the sheets off the ground.
One of my fondest childhood memories involves my mother and the clothesline that stretched across our huge balcony in delhi.
In the present times, left to me, the clothes would not have any particular arrangement, even if the sun or wind were positioned differently..but that thought would deprive my little one of direct access to the possibility of dipping his hands in the bucket and making merry.
My mom grew up with line dried clothes. She lived in north Kerala where it was hot and dry. There, like in most small towns then, they line dried the clothes so the cotton sheets and towels got that stiff feeling. I used to participate for years when I visited my grandmother. That’s what I love. I noticed that the towels are kind of scratchy when I get them off the line and I love it! I feel like they actually dry instead of just the smearing water around.
Now, I live the advantages of a high raised floor in Mumbai..in this regard, with vast open space and no adjacent blocks to cover my view..which means uninterrupted flow of breeze as may happen.
Sometimes, when the sun is dipping and I pull a chair to read besides it..I love watching the clothes flap in the breeze and shine in the sun’s reflection. There is something soothing about it.
Its therapeutic.

Spending some time in the porch or yard for drying clothes whenever one can, and of course when one can peacefully intend to..has some gentle advantages. I can list out these that I experienced..

  • It was a great self-confidence boost for my son because he saw that he was really helping me. I was surprised to see how he would happily volunteer each time.
  • I saw that was a great opportunity to talk with my boy about the character and importance of the wind and the sun. For example, it is sunny in the mornings in our balcony, so we try to hang the clothes that time.
  • Taking the cloth off when they are dry and putting the clothes into the basket is fun too. I would heap him with clothes and it was a source of laughter and good banter.
  • As for me, I learnt, that I like to feel the gentle breeze brushing across my face and tugging my hair. If I let the wind talk to me, it arrives at it’s own pace and it goes away after whatever it has to say. It does not come with expectations.

The shifts in the wind speed and direction, reminds me of all the variations in my moods and challenges.
The breeze in my yard, tells me how I must honour them.
It guides me to understand that instead of becoming a prisoner to the challenges in my life, I must wait it out with extreme patience and based on the currents, carefully manoeuvre my life.

I genuinely like hanging out clothes to dry. Most of the time, it’s a few minutes of peace with my thoughts, Iam on auto pilot mode and mechanically doing something with my hands. While my body is busy doing something rote and routine, my mind is free to wander.
And of course, in the not so rare situation that my four-year-old joins me, he hangs the clothes in all sorts of artistic ways (which I often re-do when he’s not looking)…he plays an important part in handing me one as needed.

Thankyou for reading the article!

Do follow my work on.

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View at Medium.com
http://nishakartik.blogspot.com/

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The man in the fitting room…

Ever had an embarassing moment, something you felt extremely stupid about? Downright awkward moment?
I think that I possibly attract ‘awkward’.

I usually avoid trial rooms and hence as a fallout of that –buying clothes from a store is minimal. Iam lazy. And not very popular at home with that one.

But the enthusiasm is good when the husband has his day. Quite naturally, formal shirts have to be tested on person, for the right fitting.
One day, he makes his pick and walks towards the trial room- stylishly spaced, with light weight cabinets, classy lighting like all high end business clothing stores are. He chose a couple of them I guess. I asked him that he show me once, after he wears it.
With nothing much to shop for or do around, I thought I would make a good use of my time. I walk around admiring the gorgeous clothing racks, chic room design and everything fashionable. I actually forgot to follow him.
After looking around for say ten minutes, I desired to see a first cut, of how dapper he looked.
I presumed that I looked like a shopping mall cliche- waiting outside the fitting rooms, like I was on trial. I was the only person doing the wait.

It was not an ordeal since I had plenty of room to walk and the soundtrack was one of my favourites like the ones from Spotify. I presume I gambled with the door and without a second thought, knocked on 2nd door and after a couple of knocks, (now when I think back- I was seemingly impatient) some other guy opened the door.

He peeped out in jeans and a hurriedly worn shirt, yet to be tucked in, with handcuffs left loose. I thought for a minute that, he might think that I was volunteering in a charity shop and I was told to keep an eye on him if he used the fitting room well or something like that.

My eagerness and angst never left my usually calm and serene looking face.
I was like, “Sorry! Looking for my husband.”
As if he wanted to ice the joke, he comes back with a smart one. He chuckled, ” Totally fine! The silence is deafening in here, right?”. I wouldn’t know whether that needed a response.
Perhaps he figured and in an attempt to ease the confusion, he gives me some value added information.” I think I saw a guy walking into the tailors section. If that be whom you’re looking for!”
Rarely do you find yourself in awkward moments, feeling foolish, careless and tongue tied all at once. I had mine, in a long time.
No need to hit the gym; I’d already had a workout.

(Thankyou for reading the article!)

Do follow my work on.
https://www.facebook.com/sayitnish/
http://instagram.com/sayitnish
https://sayitnish.com/
View at Medium.com
http://nishakartik.blogspot.com/