You get so alone at times that it just makes sense.

I often wonder why do I feel alone with so many people around. How many of us feel like this?

I have this book resting on the table, in front of me, as I write. Charles Bukowski’s ‘You get so alone at times that it just makes sense’.

This arrived today….. I am 3 poems down.

I bought this on a whim after it was referred to in another book I was reading.
Through the pages,he describes some of his days, events, drowsy nights and moments of solitude.
One of those great books that will bring you to reality, with a knowing smile, endlessly. I like it very much.
I don’t have words for how much I need this right now ..
It s like he spoke for all of. In truth, why do we feel so if we don’t miss anything? Is this in the human nature?

In an alternate setting, I picture this-

I am watching the sun set in my porch with my hair loose and a book to hold. The sky is a combination of oranges and light greys disappearing into the hill, afar. There is a breeze but it’s warm so I let it soak into my tired evening skin.

I am sitting in the shade of twilight and smile for no particular reason… maybe the joy of nothing to do in the moment. contentedness is the word for it.

My muscles are relaxed, no nerve twitches, in the company of people who make me feel seen. Goodness, this is the place I would rather be.

I am singing a song while making my bed and kinda dancing to it, because it just hits different. I feel the lightness in my soul, maybe temporary and go with it, having fun and not caring who sees.

I look deep into the eyes of someone I know and see their beautiful heart. It will change my life for the better, when I do that little excited thing of telling them about it.

I see a new place and my body and soul is warm and fills with curiosity, with wonderment, because everything new that comes my way, takes away a little more pain from what I already knew.

These are the moments to be patient for.

These are the days I want to live for .

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How life changed when I invested in Buddhist readings!

I get addicted to anything that makes me feel anything. Because not a lot of things make me feel.

Let me explain how life is complicated and a turmoil, mostly.

About three years ago, I started buying books on Zen and Buddhism, straining my eyes, heart and mind searching for demonstrable results.

I read everything. I didn’t understand most of it, but I tried.

I was born in a South Indian Kerala- Nair family. Of whatever memory I have of the 40 years, I lived so far, my family was not deeply religious nor were they dabbling in meditations and philosophies. Intellectually the feeling was good. It was a straightforward staring into reality mode, most of the time.
Hence, discovery of Buddhist readings was rejuvenating and to a large extent, honestly, entertaining.

So, the basic line was that everything depends on us, how we do the thinking . Therefore to be positive. Think positive and as a habit formation then, spread the happiness to all around you.

Now this is how life slowly, certainly not dramatically changed for the better.

I have a problem in dealing with arguments. Well, not the business, formal ones. With limited emotional outpour in those valleys, my performances there, are usually stellar. I can dip in and come out and I have rarely ruffled sentiments and in the rare cases I do, we find a calm solution.

My weaknesses come to the fore in the other kind. With friends, relatives and in matters of the heart, I fail to deliver on emotional grounds.
If the argument, gets out of hand, I would find myself at a place, from where it is often, difficult to return.
Sadly this new position of hostility becomes solidified and what was once an enjoyable relationship becomes over-shadowed with bitterness – not a good place to be.

For as long as I can remember, I have always crossed back into my own mind when I am upset. Talking to others during these times makes me feels bothersome, at best. This is not conducive to connecting and is usually not helpful in healing, but it’s the way I “work”.

I have always been in awe of friends and acquaintances who have the marvellous ability to let their pain show without drama, pride or self-beating.

Vulnerability has never come easy to me. Yet here I am pouring myself onto a page, day after day. If you were to ask me about it face to face, I would smile a little and maybe throw a laugh in there.
Damn! I can’t be confronted with pity pupils and I am sorry smiles. I retreat inward, I pull up my shields, it’s something I wish I didn’t have to do.

I am a work in progress now and the progress is good.
I give up on people slower and hold on to people tighter. Slipping happens rarely. I have shown an improved ability to read vibes and radiating the appropriate ones.
Earlier, patience never come easy to me, it was a ‘I want what I want, I want it now, no delay’ situation, in my life.
If they hesitated I would move on.
It’s romantic in a way now, when I am steady with my affections .

In slow and painful moments, I remind myself that there are good things left. there are good things coming. there are good things waiting for me. whoever I am, wherever I am, however I am, it can and it will get better.

It’s really great to have someone’s support before you accomplish something big because that’s when you need it the most, so here’s some friendly ghost support for the times before people recognize your greatness!

(Thank-you for reading this article!)

My passion is writing. Everything I write about is geared toward things that I deeply cares about—experiences, thoughts, drama, and emotions. A full-time mom to two handsome boys—11 and 4—I built a career around insurance underwriting and later, teaching of English literature and language in high school, before vanishing into full-time mommy responsibilities. I believe that life is not meant to be serious all of the time, and that we should have fun as much as we can. Besides writing, I enjoy watching spy network series and living it up by creating laugh memes with my two lovely young boys!

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Why you must not worry too much, about not being able to get anything done…

“The idea of divine inspiration and an aha moment is largely a fantasy. Anything of value comes from hard work and unwavering dedication. If you want to be a good artist you need to look at other artists, make a lot of crappy art, and just keep working.” — Sydney Pink

Whether you’re a painter, food artist, singer, sports writer, web designer, photographer, or another type of artist – there are going to be days where you find it extremely difficult to create something.

Few days ago, my mind was worried and I was caught up in a cycle of stress about other things.
It was a basket of mixed feelings I had.
At times, Iam inspiration-less, where I have the motivation but just can’t think of anything good to do. At other times, Iam motivation-deprived, where I have the idea but just don’t really wanna.
The last and my least favourite but most familiar state, where Iam so pumped to get this thing done! But there’s that other thing, and, your show is on, or your kids steal you, you figure that you are listed at other jobs, and you’ll just do it tomorrow.
The last one is most of us.
Soon, I wasn’t surprised that I was struggling to create anything at all!

Motivating yourself to be productive isn’t always easy. Some days, boredom takes over and the last thing you want to do is strike off your to-do list. Maybe I have a hard time motivating myself to do chores around the house or exercise or start that big plan for work. But whatever tasks I struggle with the most, it’s possible to overcome laziness and be my most productive self at home, at work, or wherever.
I have been writing for a while now and when I look back at some of the things I wrote a few months or even a year ago, I see how much my skills have improved and my thought process and style has taken some decent shape.

If you are an artist, you’ve had days where you hit a wall with your creativity. You don’t know what to paint, you’re not sure where to start, and you don’t really have the motivation to create anything. You have zero inspiration. Sound familiar?

Having said this, recently I figured a light hearted solution to my problem. I roped in, my elder son. We decided that each one of us will execute a productive act before the end of day, each day. At the end of the day, we must talk to each other about what we did. This, I thought, would atleast encourage my ‘son’ to become more disciplined about his days. Over a week I learnt that I was embarassing myself. Interestingly, he took the deal quite seriously. Recording my excuse everyday was getting harder and so was to expect him to believe the same ones, over and over.
Try this for yourself. I assure you the urge to procrastinate itself will dwindle. This is how I got over with it. I cannot guarantee this method for all of you out there but believe in yourself and always think of what you care for the most in this world before doing anything.

My best advice for anyone, if you’re art blocked and feeling uninspired to create your specific art that you excel at, is to do another kind of art. Paint with actual paint and brushes, make paper crafts, record some music, repaint a picture, edit a video, sculpt something, decorate a notebook, sew something, make a comic, look at memes, start a youtube channel with a new theme.. just like do something you don’t do every single day and it’ll feel new and cool and fun and inspiring.

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Reader’s thoughts…

Reading Doris Lessing is like a part of my consciousness.
One of my very favourite authors.
How many of us remember doing this, round and round the mullberry bush, in a puddle, in the dust, on the street, cold stiff hands or sweaty palms, depending on the season, laughter the only reason.

Have you ever absolutely loved a writer? I have.

Like, if I meet them personally I will give them a big hug and ask for a picture , I would like to say thank you for all their inspiring posts , all of it that gives me confidence and positive vibes that sometimes it’s okay not to be okay 🙂

Most of the time, the posts perfectly reflect what I truly feel inside. It always feels as if I authored the words even though I clearly didn’t. 😅
I absolutely love those works. Its like reading about my personal feelings and my life everyday through them. The comfort it brings, when I know, that so many people out there– feel or have felt the same. If we could meet that would be serendipitous indeed !

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