The real reason good friendships are so hard to come by.

Anxious but trying is the motto of my life!

I think I’m okay most of the time after these ridiculous evening self talks.

Talking to oneself and setting matters straight with one’s heart matters more because at the end of the day, nobody else gives a fuck about you and how you’re going to feel no matter how open you are to them.

Sometimes I think I need to talk out loud inside a room.
Because sometimes you see, you are your best person.

There, I said it.

I am a poor judge of people.

Even more when it comes to recognizing a solid friend.
Of course, to have good friends you have to be a good friend.

It means showing up.

If you never text back and you cancel every get-together…you will not get back deep friendship.
It means making sacrifices. Friendship requires sacrifice.

It means pursuing.

It means sending texts to check in on them about that thing they were worried about. It means grabbing a memory and making a quick call telling them you’re thinking of them.

It means asking them to meet up for a glass of wine on a sunny afternoon.
It means texting back when you’re almost asleep and telling them you miss them.
I think it’s important to make sacrifices for the friends that you choose. Maybe that means meeting up with them when you don’t feel like it. Maybe it’s doing something you don’t want to do to help them out.

It means choosing.

Well, you cannot give the same level of friendship to everyone. You have to choose the people you are going to give your heart to.

Good friends dont-

1.stay too busy for you, too long.

2. Listen to what you have to say, solely for responding with a ready-made solution.

3. Don’t show you negativity and do negative talk about your bad situation.

4. Allow fearful thoughts to navigate your brain for long.
5. Show off to you that they are perfect.

6. Tell you that they have limited time for you or that they have to struggle to make time for you.

7. Blame you or complain about you or compare you to other friends and situations.

8. Don’t just talk about loving yourself more, as a motto but show you why you are so damn lovable and cherished.

There are certain people who make the world a better place just by being in it. They seem to carry the strongest glue around with them. And sometimes, we just wish to drown ourselves in the feels they give us.
Those are the ones I think reside in our hearts forever.

How can we be these angels and good friends to others –

1. It costs nothing to be a very sweet and kind person. All you gotta do is to be a kind hearted person. That’s all.

2. Good friends treat you well, are super loyal and are incredibly protective of the ones they trust and love.

3. Most of them can be a little standoffish when you first get to meet them, but that’s only because they don’t like letting anyone in. Once they do open up, though, they are a bundle of love.

4. Again and again, they are compassionate and kind and their loyalty to loved ones is unmatched.

5. You don’t hesitate to talk to them. With them, you just know you are not alone.

6. You don’t worry about being vulnerable with them.

7. You just wouldn’t know what to do without them. Period.

8. They always, always listen to you and always notice what you are going through.

9. They are respectful.

10. They compliment you a lot and some of them are great huggers.

11. They dress you up in confidence all the time.

It’s definitely okay to choose the people you invest in; sometimes spending enough time with a friend opens your eyes to existing realities. Perhaps you overstayed in a relationship. Sometimes and often times, they would not know how to communicate lack of space in their hearts for you.
We all need this. Safe friendships. We just weren’t meant to travel this life alone and in my opinion, there’s no time we need each other more than as we grow older and lonelier.

My restlessness and irritability gave me huge trouble. And for most of it, obviously it was self made.

I love to go to parties but I just sit in a comfortable corner with my phone, drink beer, listen to music or the beat and smile when someone smiles at me and talk when someone talks to me.

Growing up I always was afraid to share my feelings for fear of being misunderstood. I constantly retreated into myself and stayed silent never feeling confident enough to share my excitement for life. Writing helped me by giving me something to sink my full effort into and because that was the first thing about myself, that I was able to share in full confidence because I knew how much work and dedication it took to create it.

One of the many reasons I drove my own car, when I went to work years ago, is because I hate car pooling with people. I want to leave when I want to leave. I want to talk only, when I feel the need to talk.

I actually enjoy sitting alone at home watching a movie than being outside with people ready to judge me.

That crippling feeling of aloofness when you are in the quiet of your home, in a crowded mall, watching the city lights glow from your window, when you’re walking aimlessly in the park with your toddler, that feeling as if something is missing in your life and it will never come back although it was never there in the first place; that inexplicable emptiness which manipulates all.

For me today, as I write this piece, life is ordinary and nothing that happened today is going to overpower what happened yesterday or look a shade better than tomorrow.

Anticipation thrums through my body, my skin prickling and my pulse racing.

I am the invisible unpaid homemaker and I am stressed too.

I believe I am mostly a loner. Though I am married and have young children. I love staying home, being in my own place and space.

I don’t do the hustle and bustle of everyday life , not for me thanks ,love peace ,quiet and a good read pottering around doing what I enjoy , it’s called a happy life.

Yes I feel like I am on the outside looking in whenever I am in a group of people or out in public – no one to talk to or confide in who would understand. I just feel less stressed and at peace to be home.

The lockdown has been depressing for a lot of people. But if you’re used to being home, minding your own business… bliss. No more unexpected visitors. No need to turn down invites. Much less activity. I miss traveling locally though. Being out in the bush, in a tent by the river.

I try to stay composed, sitting as still as you can on the end of the bed.
So you focus on your other senses, trying to see through them while you wait. You fidget with your hands in your lap, twisting the ring around your finger. You haven’t gotten used to it yet, the simple metal band he’d slipped onto your finger just a few hours ago. You run your fingertip around and around, tracing the Mandalorian words etched into the metal– the vow now etched into your heart as well.

I will not be anymore, drawn into people’s fakeness ,bullshit and inconsistent behaviour ,I’m done.
You can ONLY try for so long then at some point you have to realise nothing will change on certain things in your life ,that includes people, circumstances and how people behave towards you.

You are either in my life genuinely because you wish to be and make a sincere effort or don’t bother anymore . I have been through so much in my lifetime that no one will ever really know, nor understand . This has shaped the person I am today, for better or for worse.

I am me and all I do is with love , respect and a good heart, if you cannot see this in me then leave me alone,permanently . I am so over fake shit and won’t participate in it with anyone . All I wish to do is live out what time I have left with the people I know 100% care about me and don’t give my mind to question this . Peace, no drama ,no crap ,no lies!

The greatest and most important adventure of our lives is discovering who we really are. Yet, so many of us walk around either not really knowing or listening to an awful inner critic that gives us all the wrong ideas about ourselves.

In order to be a beneficial person to the world around me, the best buddy, life partner, parent etc, I have to first put my personal house, my temple, my mind in a healthy order. This personal journey is one that I will benefit from taking.

It’s literally insane that we all think we’re so alone in the things that we’ve been through and are going through but if you open up to people they will most likely relate to what you are going through…. literally talk to people about your feeling guys. Trust me, you are not alone in anything.

I have figured a few things which have been of beneficial distraction to me.

During these unusually different times, staying afloat and in harmony with oneself. Taking good care of my health and hygiene.
Starting a new series on netflix each time the previous one ends. Playing that game with my children and fascinating them with my company. Cooking, reading, learning the lyrics to my favorite tunes, slow dancing in dim lights. Writing out my thoughts and feelings.
Knowing that my mental health may decline and let the process take its organic course. Finding new things that help ease my mind and please my heart.
Staying safe, pursuing positivity, and persevering always.

I have begun to simplify my life in any way I can. Decluttering, stepping back from toxic people, saying no to things, resting, establishing priorities and acting and building confidence in myself and my ability to handle whatever comes my way.

I am in the same boat, and slowly slowly getting there, but it can be crippling and overwhelming, especially when life circumstances aren’t ideal, and it’s not “all in your head”. I understand now that, reaching out and trying to get control of it, is my first step and sometimes the most important. I must keep going.

I don’t like how endings in real life come on so suddenly without making sense, without much warning. One minute you are in the middle of something and the next it is all a very long time ago and you’re a different person and none of it is ever coming back.

I consider this time hence, my most valuable. I would like to make the best of it.

(Thank-you for reading this article!)

My passion is writing. Everything I write about is geared toward things that I deeply cares about—experiences, thoughts, drama, and emotions. A full-time mom to two handsome boys—11 and 4—I built a career around insurance underwriting and later, teaching of English literature and language in high school, before vanishing into full-time mommy responsibilities. I believe that life is not meant to be serious all of the time, and that we should have fun as much as we can. Besides writing, I enjoy watching spy network series and living it up by creating laugh memes with my two lovely young boys!

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Have you ever “killed” someone with kindness?

Yes, I did! Everyday on my teaching job at middle school classes I was a part of, for over 5 years.
I did my best to constantly kill them with kindness.
My schools had all hand picked teachers who had experience and the know how to physically, mentally and psychologically handle these independent diamonds in the rough.

The longest it took me to “kill” a student with my kindness was a boy with serious esteem issues and who would be an outcast mostly. It took a full 3 months. I pulled all my tricks of the trade to try and wrap him around my finger. I didn’t call on him when he wasn’t paying attention, but did when I knew he had been listening.

I smiled at everyone daily, greeting them at my door using their names.
I handed out public compliments they did nice things to others, at random times, so they had to pay attention.
I had small hand made notes for those in need of attention or support and never embarrassed them. Kindness, again.

When teaching, I would stop a lesson immediately and offer emotional support if someone wasn’t with us. They were more important than what I was teaching. Kindness, was always number one.
I really did love my students. It was also very easy for me to use kindness because it was second nature to me.
They also learned to their dismay, that kindness is not a weakness.

Gee, I loved those days and miss them!

I’ve often found that being kind is the ultimate “pay it forward” system. I have had strangers smile at me as we pass and I have spent my whole day trying to smile at some else back.

Again and again, kindness is never wasted, even if it appears so, because we are simply depositing it in a bank we cannot see and with results we may never witness ourselves. But they are there.
Again and again, we are not necessarily born knowing how to be gentle with ourselves or others. But we can learn, we can “pay it forward” so that maybe a tree will grow a little taller one day, and a person will carry themselves a little lighter and in turn help a stray dog or comfort a crying child.

Sometimes all we have to offer is scraps, but a little is enough, one small bandage at a time, one tiny gesture at a time, and that is enough. For if we all pay it forward than it is not small.

One smile at a time, one bank note at time, one person at a time. Pass it down the line– buy a stranger a snack, offer a kind word, understand that everyone is going through something.

Everyone is trying their best in the ways they know how.
You lose nothing when you considerate to others, but what we all have to gain is monumental.

(Thank-you for reading this article!)

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