Listen, you are going to be okay.

She stood there – the first time seeing the beauty of what she had been pushing through, blindly searching for the path to the top. The clouds finally thinned and sunlight warmed her tired bones, while the memories of all these hard times started slipping.

How can one know how steep the slope actually feels before walking?
How can one know how far you need to go when the mountain is half covered in clouds?
How can one know what will happen one the way up? Who you will loose and what will leave you doubting?
And if you finally reach the top how will you decide to continue?

And then a voice speaks to me in a faint impression “Listen to me, my dear”. The composed sound resonated well with my senses. “You are the kindest, smartest, most beautiful person I have ever met. And you’re going to be so so happy. Okay?”

(Thank-you for reading this article!)

To follow my work on.

https://www.facebook.com/sayitnish
http://instagram.com/sayitnish
https://sayitnish.com/

Extremely sensitive people are not doormats or idiots.

I, the one, who is very sensitive.

I am the worst human being on the planet. They hate me. That’s it, I have ruined my relationships forever. I will never be forgiven. Why would they? What I did, whatever it was,was unforgivable. I feel guilty for things going wrong. I can feel their pain in my own chest. I am so heavy with this burden. Nothing can improve this.. Might as well leave hope.

‘She looks very loving and caring but prefers to distance herself from everyone, she is empath but keeps her emotions hidden away, is very hot-headed and protective of her loved ones.’

Have you ever felt like you can’t chill with certain people because they somehow drain your energy? Have you ever felt overwhelming emotions out of the bloom? Have you ever felt drawn to certain people to realize they somehow need your help? Have you ever felt like surrounding yourself around people can be overwhelming or watching the news is killing you inside?
There was a time where I never believed in something like this. Until it happened to me. I never knew it was a “thing” until I after reading a lot of articles (at the time) googled it, to find out that I was indeed an Empath.

Now for those who never heard about “Empath” you are probably thinking “The fuck is that?” 🤷🏼‍♀️

WHAT IS AN EMPATH?
People differ in their understanding of empathy.
According to Google’s dictionary definition, empathy is “the ability to understand and share the feelings of another.”

To many people, it is commonly associated with sympathy, sensitivity, and oftentimes, weakness.
But what exactly is an empath? An empath is an extremely emotionally sensitive individual. Someone who reads situations well based on emotions and unspoken vibes.

I have had my perilous moments psychologically, when people, also friends often criticize me for being “too sensitive”.
I used to get hit with random emotions during or after being around other people.
My pain tolerance is low, both emotionally or physically.
Positive energy makes me feel like warm sunbeams are cascading around me and I have a strong impulse to be kind and compassionate towards others who are around me.

Mostly, I often feel drained after being around negative people for extended periods of time.

And I used to typically find myself surrounded by these characters.
Now this is indeed not an easy trait to have, we’ve all probably encountered that person who is a ‘total crybaby’ or who just feels too much and gets riled up easily.
And it can be misleading if you only use your eyes when looking at these people, you may see them and think, wow, what a crybaby! or you may think they are weak or too soft.
But! This is all a big misunderstanding!

I used to get legitimately angry about people’s feelings intruding so much into my mental space. On some days, èvery single thing felt like a nail on a wall. Every disappointed punctuation mark feels like gaslighting. Everything that is wrong feels like my responsibility. Friends who don’t get back to you even on their own whims, you feel you must reach out to them. And it gets so tiresome some days, that there is no fucking reprieve from it that I just want to scream’ will you just stop feeling around me!’

Typically, the people who make you feel useless are self centered and you instantly feel tired, uneasy, afraid or sad around them. They take advantage of your compassion through guilt tripping also at the same time lean on you as if you are a crutch.
Some might even be over dramatic in their evaluation of you.
Evidently, your stomach churns at the thought of being around them and you feel physically sick, anxious, angry and or depressed after spending time with them.
They typically dismiss your feelings or events going on in your life

Clearly, this is abusive.

How can I protect myself?
I will have to cut these energy vampires out of my life.
I am just trying to make it through life, same as everyone else.
Being kind is beautiful, but here’s the catch. If you are too nice to the point where you let people step over you, then it’s a fucking problem.
I am especially when I shouldn’t be to people I shouldn’t but, I can’t help it. I am working on it.

For all of us who struggle, I say this. Its alright to be sensitive. I guess that’s how you pay when you have magic in your heart.

I do attract narcissistic people. I am finally aware of it and wonder if it is something to be proud of. I am though I could not be any other way. I really do not show it from the outside.I put on a good front.You may call it a mask.

In my head the logic is very simple: people who don’t have empathy, can’t imagine someone else who does.
Because we only truly know what we have experienced in life.

As soon as understanding and logic kick in, the manipulative tactics of an aggressive person, no longer have an effect on you. Total understanding and clarity sans emotional entanglement lead you to freedom.

(Thank-you for reading this article!)

To follow my work on.

https://www.facebook.com/sayitnish
http://instagram.com/sayitnish
https://sayitnish.com/

This year, stay alive and kicking!

Although this year, certainly doesn’t look like what most of us would have expected, there are always things to do, to give ourselves a boost.

Right now, a lot of things have been uncertain, disappointing, and sometimes, even difficult or frightening.

But despite it all there is so much good stuff we can still count on! This is the important thing to remember.

As I cruise through there terrible, sometimes claustrophobic times..it kinda helps to think about the good people I am yet to meet and the good places, I am yet to see in life!

My thoughts are most alive
when my world is warm
the wind is pleasant, the sun shines delicately

through the rustling leaves
the evenings are orange and grey

Ah, the beauty of the city lights at night
my children giving me a goodnight hug
these moments would bring a feeling

I could never describe in as many words
but i when I think about
how life would be without any of it
I would still be grateful
for any temporary moment of a gorgeous life
for as small as they came
they made me stay.

(Thank-you for reading this article!)

My passion is writing. Everything I write about is geared toward things that I deeply cares about—experiences, thoughts, drama, and emotions. A full-time mom to two handsome boys—11 and 4—I built a career around insurance underwriting and later, teaching of English literature and language in high school, before vanishing into full-time mommy responsibilities. I believe that life is not meant to be serious all of the time, and that we should have fun as much as we can. Besides writing, I enjoy watching spy network series and living it up by creating laugh memes with my two lovely young boys!

To follow my work on.

https://www.facebook.com/sayitnish
http://instagram.com/sayitnish
https://sayitnish.com/

We are all just trying our best to figure ourselves out.

The good years of my life were mostly lived in disharmony. Infact quite similar to few of us- the unlucky ones on the planet.

I spent a considerable number of years, living in the past, worrying about something that happened, or in the future worrying about what’s yet to come. All the while, wasting the present moment, the one I actually have some control over. I have often wondered how different life would be now, if I had been more mindful and less judgemental.
What if I had appreciated every moment of my life by the minute.
Organically speaking, that rarely happens you see. Unless we have a terrific insight and the presence of mind, to logically transport ourselves through reality and common sense.

I have spent a considerable part of my life, comparing myself to other people. At every stage of my life, at every milestone I accomplished, there was someone who always seemed like competition. My paths and timelines were different and set up at a non linear pace, yet someone accomplishing a milestone before me, gave me a fear of being left behind. Someone else finding success before me, made me doubt my own accomplishments.

I had a great job and yet I used to wish day and night, to move back in with friends or family, back to the city I loved.

Friends were getting married before me and I thought I never will.

I would be be considerate of others and let them walk all over me because I was taught being nice is the only choice we have. It resulted in me having distorted boundaries.

You can be helpful and say no sometimes. I was a good person and the favourite feast for a pushover. I knew to be kind and didnt know how to keep unreciprocating takers at a distance.

I had not set limits because I did not want then, to be a bad person. You know what I mean.

What did I do everyday that has in bits, changed my life, slowly but surely. I am a more patient woman and less likely to be perturbed by anyone with disturbing behavior.

I broke my old practices.

I was expecting a different result without significantly changing my routine.
There was a stage of my life where I was stuck. My life was going nowhere.
I was in a job I didn’t really like, doing work I didn’t care about. And to distract myself, I was living a disarrayed life, mostly without a routine or set discipline. I used to eat out mindlessly, have no concerns about time and impact, be wasteful in my spending. I was young, earning well and independent.

I’m so guilty of wanting change without doing anything to get it. I realized that I need to change something about I did everyday, to make action; infact enjoyable and productive action a habit, for me to make anything out if my life.

Comparison kills all the fun!

I had a fetish for reading and writing since I remember. I used to particularly be in awe of friends who were into book publishing and content writing or even the print media or the otherwise agonizing advertising.
I have friends now, who would say the same in return. They loved their jobs but at the same time enjoyed my routine. I have met some of them recently who struggle to spend quality time with family and would do anything to be in my place.
Comparison is something that most of us struggle with, even more now when we compare our behind-the-scenes to someone’s highlight life on social media. The likes on Facebook are as worthy as oxygen to a dying patient sometimes.

We forget that we don’t know the whole story, it’s just a feed where we put the best version of ourselves.

I wouldn’t click a picture of myself after I have had a terrible deal with my husband with a f*cked up status line.
And so many of us, judge each others lives through such digital projection. I love social media. I am a freak sometimes. But it should be just that. Freaky and fun. I don’t attach any more meaning to it anymore. I have true admiration for anything that doesn’t steal my joy anymore.

Have faith.

I like to think that everything happens for a reason. A lot of things in my life, totally inexplicable at times have made

a lot if sense years later, in computation.
Me meeting the man of my world, in a city, I didn’t like much, is one such example.
I thought cultures would be distant and so would be our lives together.
Today he is my best friend, comfort and kickass buddy. I have understood very clearly that life happens, things don’t always go according to the plan and it’s important to have faith that everything will work out in the end. Maybe not as we thought it would. But it will get me exactly where I would be at peace with myself.

What is there to control, really!

I am by nature a very anxious person. It is quite a challenge for me to accept things as they are. This is particularly in case with my children. I am a perfectionist. I like things a certain way. I thought I would be the best mom. And all that frugal nonsense that comes alive with being a mother.
Two handsome boys hence now, I can bravely say that any such thought is utter bullshit.
My elder son was reeling with terrible breathing concerns till age 3 and I almost thought he had ADHD.
Years later he has no trace of any of that.
Perhaps I have imbibed both the problems.
Trust me, the only control you have is of you and your thoughts.
We cannot even control what our best friends and family think of us sometimes.

I have understood that it is just not possible for people to abandon their intelligence and use yours.don’t have control over what other people think of you. So instead of feeling sorry for yourself, why don’t you get up and go do something about it? Let go of what you can’t control and accept what you can.

Very easy to write that. But believe me, either that or pain for life. I am a much more patient person today with the second child.

Love yourself.

We need adulation. Human beings are an interdependent species. We live in a world where we cannot antagonize the truth of togetherness.
I used to believe that you need to love yourself in order be loved by someone else. That’s what people said. But I don’t agree with it 100% anymore. No matter where you are on that journey, you deserve to be loved by others, and yourself. As much as I love myself, the love front others makes my life more enjoyable and worth the time.

Being truly oneself

For most of us , this is utter rubbish. Already we are a magnet for trouble. The how does continuing on similar knowledge fetch any more good.
It has become quite the cliche but it never hurts to say it one more time, especially for those of us struggling with it.
The truth is that I have tried acting different. In more majestic ways, sometimes imbibing qualities which I sae in others, even when they didn’t come to me naturally. After a point it is uneasy and disturbing. It makes you irritable.

It sounds stylish to be flawed and quirky. The often repeated embrace yourself, need not be dramatic. Simply being yourself and taking truthful steps is magic enough in the current world.
When we let go off, the wierd things people think about us, it makes it possible to live easy without constant speed catching with others expectations.

We look funny doing that race.

Everyone is attractive when you look closely.

I look around me and as crazy as it may be, everyone motivates me. I don’t know why it is like that.

Maybe I compare myself so hard and I find fault in most of what I do.
Well technically, that’s not the best way to explain this point, but it is aboutbeing honest right?
Considering the amount of toxic people around you, at any given time, it is a blessing to to able to look up to anybody with a lesson to teach.

My neighbor who leaves her two year old son with a help at home, with no one else to watch over, because she had to earn a collective living for the family, has taught me that mother’s out there, do astounding work. She shows me strength and passion for her family.

Those small moments are damn big!

Ah, everyone says this one.
Where are those small moments. How do I know they exist? I am a confused person most times.
It can be tricky because your mind tends to look for big, exciting things.
Eventually after years of nonchalance, I still look back and know I could have lived my life better.

Those small moments, which I never saw have become a memory now and even today I grapple with what is small and presumably precious. I am learning everyday at hindsight.

Let’s keep the list alive and kicking. What has helped you collect yourself and be alive, when you were feeling lost?

(Thank-you for reading this article!)

My passion is writing. Everything I write about is geared toward things that I deeply cares about—experiences, thoughts, drama, and emotions. A full-time mom to two handsome boys—11 and 4—I built a career around insurance underwriting and later, teaching of English literature and language in high school, before vanishing into full-time mommy responsibilities. I believe that life is not meant to be serious all of the time, and that we should have fun as much as we can. Besides writing, I enjoy watching spy network series and living it up by creating laugh memes with my two lovely young boys!

To follow my work on.

https://www.facebook.com/sayitnish
http://instagram.com/sayitnish
https://sayitnish.com/

Music is a safe kind of high! The reason I stay intoxicated.

I think people who can play a musical instrument, or can sing and dance, are extremely attractive.

Every single time I have learned that a person can sing, or play a musical instrument really well, or groove to the beats of the song in the background with a droolworthy ease, I have almost always developed a crush on them. And I’ve always requested them to play something or sing, when I meet them.
I wrote this to pen my running thoughts on music.
I instantly develop a liking towards people with similar taste in music as mine.
When I was younger, I attended quite a few concerts. I do not know really, why I don’t do that anymore.
My favorite part of concerts was when the band plays a song everyone knows, so everyone sings along, all out of tune.
But then the singer stops singing the words to the music and you see the smiles on the band members’ faces because they know that people care about their music; and that is one of the most beautiful things to see!
What exactly drives us and makes us impassioned about a certain genre?
I feel lots of things. Most of the time, I feel the song provides a nice background to my current existence as I try to wade over the loud, concrete city traffic snarl.
Some music gives me much more than a peaceful environment, and I have trouble actually putting words to that.
A certain section of my playlist with country collection, gives me such feelings of nostalgia that I am almost transferred to another time, often that feeling is of a memory or emotion that I can’t quite hold in my mind. Some music gives me energy; I seldom listen while writing, but surely, the songs play in my head, giving me a boost!
Some songs (some you would expect, some not) move me deeply. These are actually the strangest, because these feelings I cannot control at all and at the same time these are the ones I cherish most, if that makes sense.
When the written word, a passage in a book or a poem, moves me I think I know why, but when a piece of music does, I can’t really tell. Even if it’s accompanied by a wonderful piece of lyrics, it’s the music that tips the wages.
We all have a favorite tune though.
Mine is when sometimes a song can blind me to what I may be doing, strip me away of my defenses and makes me vulnerable.
Personally, I listen to music everywhere I am, with my own company ; there’s no location too remote, no setting too complicated no work too intense for me not to have a soundtrack to it. I am on my laptop right now and there is music playing, in the background. When I get into my car and start the engine, music starts playing. When I put my sons to sleep and spend some time beneath the ceiling stars, we enjoy the soundtrack of Alvin and the chipmunks, lately.
Does music heal?
I think so. You are what you listen to.
Dense aura grows on me rapidly. I use music to deal with my thoughts daily.
Music for me is like the background for my work, my routine existence.
Think of it like frosting on a cake.
The cake is good… But the frosting makes it better!
If I’m feeling particularly sad?
Yes, maybe something to get my brains not sway into the negative zone.
If I’m feeling happy? Great! Music can amp it up.
I don’t know if I must call it “treatment” like to be therapeutic? I’m not sure. I guess I wouldn’t know due to the fact that I am only saying it from my own experience and not from a professional stand.
It does help me though.

(Thank-you for reading this article!)

My passion is writing. Everything I write about is geared toward things that I deeply cares about—experiences, thoughts, drama, and emotions. A full-time mom to two handsome boys—11 and 4—I built a career around insurance underwriting and later, teaching of English literature and language in high school, before vanishing into full-time mommy responsibilities. I believe that life is not meant to be serious all of the time, and that we should have fun as much as we can. Besides writing, I enjoy watching spy network series and living it up by creating laugh memes with my two lovely young boys!

To follow my work on.

https://www.facebook.com/sayitnish
http://instagram.com/sayitnish
http://sayitnish.com/

We are all just trying our best to figure ourselves out

The good years of my life were mostly lived in disharmony. Infact quite similar to few of us- the unlucky ones on the planet. I spent a considerable number of years, living in the past, worrying about something that happened, or in the future worrying about what’s yet to come. All the while, wasting the present moment, the one I actually have some control over. I have often wondered how different life would be now, if I had been more mindful and less judgemental.
What if I had appreciated every moment of my life by the minute.
Organically speaking, that rarely happens you see. Unless we have a terrific insight and the presence of mind, to logically transport ourselves through reality and common sense.

I have spent a considerable part of my life, comparing myself to other people. At every stage of my life, at every milestone I accomplished, there was someone who always seemed like competition. My paths and timelines were different and set up at a non linear pace, yet someone accomplishing a milestone before me, gave me a fear of being left behind. Someone else finding success before me, made me doubt my own accomplishments.

I had a great job and yet I used to wish day and night, to move back in with friends or family, back to the city I loved.

Friends were getting married before me and I thought I never will.

I would be be considerate of others and let them walk all over me because I was taught being nice is the only choice we have. It resulted in me having distorted boundaries.

You can be helpful and say no sometimes. I was a good person and the favourite feast for a pushover. I knew to be kind and didnt know how to keep unreciprocating takers at a distance.

I had not set limits because I did not want then, to be a bad person. You know what I mean.

What did I do everyday that has in bits, changed my life, slowly but surely. I am a more patient woman and less likely to be perturbed by anyone with disturbing behavior.

I broke my old practices.

I was expecting a different result without significantly changing my routine.
There was a stage of my life where I was stuck. My life was going nowhere.
I was in a job I didn’t really like, doing work I didn’t care about. And to distract myself, I was living a disarrayed life, mostly without a routine or set discipline. I used to eat out mindlessly, have no concerns about time and impact, be wasteful in my spending. I was young, earning well and independent.

I’m so guilty of wanting change without doing anything to get it. I realized that I need to change something about I did everyday, to make action; infact enjoyable and productive action a habit, for me to make anything out if my life.

Comparison kills all the fun!

I had a fetish for reading and writing since I remember. I used to particularly be in awe of friends who were into book publishing and content writing or even the print media or the otherwise agonizing advertising.
I have friends now, who would say the same in return. They loved their jobs but at the same time enjoyed my routine. I have met some of them recently who struggle to spend quality time with family and would do anything to be in my place.
Comparison is something that most of us struggle with, even more now when we compare our behind-the-scenes to someone’s highlight life on social media. The likes on Facebook are as worthy as oxygen to a dying patient sometimes.
We forget that we don’t know the whole story, it’s just a feed where we put the best version of ourselves. I wouldn’t click a picture of myself after I have had a terrible deal with my husband with a f*cked up status line.
And so many of us, judge each others lives through such digital projection. I love social media. I am a freak sometimes. But it should be just that. Freaky and fun. I don’t attach any more meaning to it anymore. I have true admiration for anything that doesn’t steal my joy anymore.

Have faith.

I like to think that everything happens for a reason. A lot of things in my life, totally inexplicable at times have made a lot if sense years later, in computation.
Me meeting the man of my world, in a city, I didn’t like much, is one such example.
I thought cultures would be distant and so would be our lives together.
Today he is my best friend, comfort and kickass buddy. I have understood very clearly that life happens, things don’t always go according to the plan and it’s important to have faith that everything will work out in the end. Maybe not as we thought it would. But it will get me exactly where I would be at peace with myself.

What is there to control, really!

I am by nature a very anxious person. It is quite a challenge for me to accept things as they are. This is particularly in case with my children. I am a perfectionist. I like things a certain way. I thought I would be the best mom. And all that frugal nonsense that comes alive with being a mother.

Two handsome boys hence now, I can bravely say that any such thought is utter bullshit.
My elder son was reeling with terrible breathing concerns till age 3 and I lmost thought he had ADHD.
Years later he has no trace of any of that.
Perhaps I have imbibed both the problems.
Trust me, the only control you have is of you and your thoughts.
We cannot even control what our best friends and family think of us sometimes. I have understood that it is just not possible for people to abandon their intelligence and use yours.don’t have control over what other people think of you. So instead of feeling sorry for yourself, why don’t you get up and go do something about it?

Let go of what you can’t control and accept what you can. Very wasy to write that. But believe me either that or pain for life. I am a much more patient person today with the second child.

Love yourself.

We need adulation. Human beings are an interdependent species. We live in a world where we cannot antagonize the truth of togetherness.
I used to believe that you need to love yourself in order be loved by someone else. That’s what people said. But I don’t agree with it 100% anymore. No matter where you are on that journey, you deserve to be loved by others, and yourself. As much as I love myself, the love front others makes my life more enjoyable and worth the time.

Being truly oneself

For most of us , this is utter rubbish. Already we are a magnet for trouble. The how does continuing on similar knowledge fetch any more good.
It has become quite the cliche but it never hurts to say it one more time,especially for those of us struggling with it.
The truth is that I have tried acting different. In more majestic ways, sometimes imbibing qualities which I sae in others, even when they didn’t come to me naturally. After a point it is uneasy and disturbing. It makes you irritable. It sounds stylish to be flawed and quirky. The often repeated embrace yourself, need not be dramatic. Simply being yourself and taking truthful steps is magic enough in the current world.
When we let go off, the wierd things people think about us, it makes it possible to live easy without constant speed catching with others expectations. We look funny doing that race.

Everyone is attractive when you look closely.

I look around me and as crazy as it may be, everyone motivates me. I don’t know why it is like that. Maybe I compare myself so hard and I find fault in most of what I do.
Well technically, that’s not the best way to explain this point, but it is about being honest right?
Considering the amount of toxic people around you, at any given time, it is a blessing to to able to look up to anybody with a lesson to teach.

My neighbor who leaves her two year old son with a help at home, with no one else to watch over, because she had to earn a collective living for the family, has taught me that mother’s out there, do astounding work. She shows me strength and passion for her family.

Those small moments are damn big!

Ah, everyone says this one.
Where are those small moments. How do I know they exist? I am a confused person most times.
It can be tricky because your mind tends to look for big, exciting things.
Eventually after years of nonchalance, I still look back and know I could have lived my life better. Those small moments, which I never saw have become a memory now and even today I grapple with what is small and presumably precious. I am learning everyday at hindsight.

Let’s keep the list alive and kicking. What has helped you collect yourself and be alive, when you were feeling lost?

(Thank-you for reading this article!)

To follow my work on.

https://www.facebook.com/sayitnish

http://instagram.com/sayitnish
https://sayitnish.com/

Talk. You will be surprised, how we all feel the same!

If you’re anything like me, you get anxious- a lot.

I have dealt with being worried my whole life, but luckily i found some ways to manage it.

In poetic words,

Sometimes I’ve got this strange feeling
That is hard to describe
I can’t set it free
I don’t have the keys to its lock
I’m stuck with it
Until it goes to sleep
Waiting for the perfect moment
To wake up again

When I was about to finish high school, I didn’t know what I was going to do with my life, what I was going to study or if I even wanted to leave the city for an adventure. I started to have a lot of doubts and feel overwhelmed by the idea that I was going to get rejected, that I didn’t have enough knowledge & more importantly, that I didn’t know who I was.

I used to overthink all the time & I got to a point where I isolated myself from everyone & everything.

But then I realized that the only who can control my emotions & thoughts is me. I took a deep breath and my journey began when I decided to work on myself and step by step I started to get to know me.

I am my own best friend.

Not going to lie, it wasn’t easy and I am still struggling and learning at the same time, but when you realize that you can control your emotions and thoughts, it gives you a lot of power and motivation to keep going.

Worry makes you do funny things. You might be tempted to keep doing more of what you’ve been doing, hoping that this time it will be different. I did a whole lot of repetition and I created more problems than I got rid of. Several times, my “improvements” produced even worse results than I was getting before.
I was trying too hard to relax. I was looking for low hanging fruits.

This is what I have to share-
It can be such a relief when someone else expresses the feelings you’ve been trying to put into words for so long; it can help you remember that you’re not alone.

And it works both ways. If you open up, it might encourage others to do the same.
It’s not always easy to describe how you’re feeling. If you can’t think of one word, use lots.
Be genuine. Be kind. Listen.

I wrote this last night-

‘The day may not be beautiful
But relax
It will not last long
Trust the hours
Like you have arrived now,
they will carry you to different places.’

(Thank-you for reading this article!)

Self love f*ck yeah, but love from the other side is a blessing too!

Have you ever heard someone say, “I only got six hours of sleep last night”, to which the other person rolls their eyes and thinks (or maybe says), “well, I only got four”.

In other words, feeling invalidated.

This whole one-up style of argument is annoying, but frankly, understandable– we all want others to acknowledge our problems and feel like they are valid. But by undermining someone else’s issues for the sake of our own, is tough on certain emotions, you see.

Isn’t the whole point that we’re both tired? What if the person who had six hours of sleep just came off of a twelve-hour work shift, and we had a nap earlier in the day?

The point is, we don’t know other peoples’ circumstances, either. But it’s reasonable to want our problems to be recognized too– everyone does, really.

While in those unfriendly situations, it is nice to stay humble and maintain perspective and perhaps even, smile away that vibe, it truly does cause tremendous pain.

I have figured at forty, that I could do without such energy.

Everyone needs validation.
We all crave for attention, in a good way. We like our work being appreciated. It gives a momentum to our pace when we are told that we are doing attractive things.
Or that we cook tremendous recipes.
Maybe we are the city’s best entrepreneur.
One hell of a make up artist and my personal favourite, the best dance artist in the neighborhood.

Who doesn’t like an appreciative smile.
Because we are all emotional people and we all have thoughts.
There is a thin line between seeking validation from places where you are not sure about positive flow. Then there is an unhealthy circulation of ill feelings and troubled relationships.

Here there is automatically an imbalance in relationships.
But being open to validation from those who are encouraging and looking forward to your happiness each day, is strength at another level.
This can rarely go wrong.
I have a friend, who is the first to know about all my achievements. She has me to share with, all her feats, the successful woman she is, in an immediate order as it happens.
This is validation again.
The one that flows generously, without headaches and ill feelings in the digestive system.
Calling loved ones and reminding myself of how much they value me and sharing my experiences and recognizing, through the resultant conversations, that I wasn’t alone with my feelings and struggles, is healthy.

I am glad I could write this.

I am grateful for all the lovely people who make me feel alive and a true part of their sad and happy moments without invalidating my own.

(Thank-you for reading this article!)

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My lost friend, I long to meet you again.

(Photo by We Heart It)

Have friends whom you are not in touch with?

Losing a friend is the breakup nobody talks about, nobody writes songs about.

I hadn’t expected it to hit me like that again. I thought I was over her. But I’m not. It’s been fifteen years since I last spoke to her.

We loved each other. She was the first one to know about the hero of my life. And now she knows nothing about any of me. I remember pushing the bar to search for her. Like she disappeared into nothingness.

Sometimes I don’t think about her for weeks and then, out of nowhere, it all hits me again. That whatever we had, is gone, only a memory that keeps fading and doesn’t feel real anymore. As if it belonged to another me.
I miss the old days. The everyday talks, the secrets, those girl-things, the stay overs. I miss her, I miss who I was around her.

Please give me a moment and read. This is exactly how I feel. This time I have been able to describe it perfectly-

Sometimes I really am awful in regards to keeping in contact with others. I want healthy and fulfilling relationships with my friends, but it’s very hard for me to wholly invest myself. I want to talk to you, but it’s difficult for me to muster the energy to do so sometimes. I want to hang out with you, but isolation also sounds nice right now. I’ll read your texts, but I’m not necessarily in the mood to reply at the moment. Then I feel anxious attempting to reach out when I do have the energy and I am in a good mood because I feel like I pushed you away and you dislike me now, so I usually remain isolated.”

If I had a chance to write a letter, this is what it would say-

“Friend, I like you. And that’s that.
No matter the distance, you will always be remembered.
I hope you will walk into my life like autumn and I will meet you like the fall.
And maybe it will happen like Troye Sivan sang:

I’m sure we’ll meet in the spring again,
And catch up on everything
and I´ll hug you and say I’m proud of all that you’ve done.”

(Thank-you for reading this article!)

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I like you more, when you care to be yourself.

People are assholes, Mouse. You already know that.” He paused as he scooped some of my hair back, gently tossing the strands over my shoulder. “And there’s nothing to be embarrassed about.”
I glanced over at him. Everything about his steady gaze and the serious press of his lips screamed earnest. But he was wrong. “It is…embarrassing.”
“Not if you don’t let it be.” His leg brushed mine as he turned in his seat, facing me. Our eyes met. “You have the power over that. People can say crap. They can think whatever they want, but you control how you feel about it.

Jennifer L. Armentrout, The Problem with Forever

Often times I think I am selfish and inpatient. I make terrible mistakes, my emotions are out of control and expressions are vague. The knowledge of my own fallibility also sometimes, doesn’t keep me from making mistakes. I have regrets. I know I cannot look back in time. I cannot undo what I once did and unthink what I once thought.
So I take that as an inspiration and don’t let mistakes be a reason, to give up on somebody.
We all are surfing the waves, falling and flying high on the tide of life. When they rise, may I be loving and strong and when I rise, may I stay humble and kind.

I spend a lot of time engaging with my emotions.
It makes me think of all the people I dont talk to anymore, that I miss talking to and then I wonder if I will ever re-meet any of them so we can try again.

This doesn’t have to be romantic either, it can be ‘we ran into each other at a chaotic time, now we have reconnected and are great friends’ and I love it.

Please read this with an open heart and welcoming soul-

We hide because we want to be found,
We stay silent because we want to be heard,
We isolate because we need someone,
We leave because we wait for something

I wish you stop telling me about how I should feel for a certain situation. Yes, you are entitled to your opinion but it doesn’t give you the right to set aside my feelings nor invalidate them. I may never share the same level of understanding as you, perhaps. We never have the same experience, it may have similarities, but not exactly the same. We never have the same level of tolerance when it comes to pain.

I am very sensitive and may be you are tough. I may not recover easily from what you may not even remember.
Let me feel what I am feeling at the moment. Let me struggle. Let me hurt. Let me cry. You are welcome to show and acknowledge your emotions too. Being with you is enough. Listening to each other is enough. Let us empathize.
If we are tired of looking at each other some day, tired of each other’s “shits”, then we don’t have to say anything at all, instead of invalidating and blaming each other for what we feel.

Let us just listen to our silence. Our discomforts we hide. Let us just stay for each other. Your presence is enough.

Time will come, we will heal ourselves, eventually.

(Thank-you for reading this article!)

To follow my work on.

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