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My Walking Thoughts

With my journal, My Walking Thoughts

Like all things in fitness, meditation takes practice. Mediation requires a lot of trial and error—not every session is going to be a big success.
I like to think of meditating the same way I think about exercise.

Just like I don’t love all forms of exercise (I’ll never be a runner, but I love to do yoga), I realized what works for some people won’t necessarily be what works for me.

Meditating was hard at first but then I remembered meeting Hemi Baik from Mumbai Meditation, few years ago. Due to personal commitments and various other distractions in life, I lost touch.
After much time, it clicked again about a month ago.
I have been introduced to this lovely form of meditation where I indeed felt a deep sense of acceptance. I want to believe that it reduces anxiety and panic attacks.
Once I had a taste of that moment, it made it easier to return to the cushion knowing I could reach that point again.
And again and again.


There is another thing I started doing simultaneously.
I began to keep a Meditation Journal. My everyday thoughts during guided meditation. The lectures Hemi took me through. And the conversations we had between the thought flows. Just start writing what you remember the most clearly.   Once you start writing and reflecting on your meditation session, more thoughts may come to mind. Keep them involved and discard as they engage with your mind.


I am glad I came this far. It has been twenty days since I started and this is my experience so far.

Do follow me on http://instagram.com/mywalkingthoughts

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A loving note to my yoga teachers!

@shammi’syogalaya

Photo- My own

Has yoga changed anything in my life? It’s pretty likely, since just about everyone who practices yoga has been touched in some way by its transformative power. In my case it has been half a year now and to be very honest, maybe I simply feel better in my body.

I have woken up to leg and back pain so intense that I could barely move with agility. I had been struggling with it for months, trying to contain it with wishful thinking but this was different.

I joined a hatha yoga program which has been the best gift I have given myself. Thrice a week and one of the reasons I stuck to the program was my lovely teacher who kept my attention and intention alive with her simple and clear methods. I never felt out of place even though I may have been the least flexible in the hatha classes.

Sometimes it is about your focus. What am I focused upon. It was clearly about leaving the physical pain behind. And once that was achieved, I looked forward to losing weight and how. That was the reason hereafter, the intense exercise I have enrolled into this month.

How has this intense yoga practice helped me-

1. I learned how to do many yoga poses unassisted—twists, passive backbends, even modified Sun Salutations.

2.My attachment to my practice has changed. Now I also do simple Yoga in my playtime with kids or those back bends, when I steal a quick alone time in my room, simply because  it gives me a high. I stretch to reach corners and each time is a confidence booster.

3.My yoga practice has helped me realize that every day is going to be different. My world isn’t the same as it was a year ago, and I’m not the same. I’m grateful every day for my husband and my children and how at home we all look at yoga with admiration and respect.

4. Sometimes it may be hard to pinpoint exactly what it is about yoga that helps you to live a better life. It helped me shift my understanding I’ve developed over time, the obviously unhealthy habits, foods that aren’t suitable. The awareness is better and now I have better self control with food. While I still have a long way to go with strict adherence.

5. When you put your body into a pose that is foreign to you and you stick with it, you learn how to pose in a different shape.
My size made the poses difficult and sometimes painful, Each time I did, I got more flexible and wowed myself with what I could actually do if I breathed and tried. I found my self-confidence increasing.

6. I have naturally learnt to keep my spine straight. Hunching doesn’t come to me anymore. My family has caught me often (and so may perhaps friends, now that they read this) rolling my shoulders around and back to fix my spine and straighten up on the chair. In fact I walk around the house or check out myself in the mirror with the right posture. Goodness, that matters and how.

7. I am unable to do most poses with absolute grace like most of my counterparts do and I  have told myself to start with where I am and with what I’ve got. I know that I will have to be patient and I am getting healthier each day.

8. I now know that Surya namaskaras are a cardio program like none other.

This is a loving note to my yoga teachers at #shammisyogalaya! I look forward to many more yoga sessions with you, to lining up my mat, listening to your instructions, specifically your anatomical explanations. This idea of order feels reassuring.

Getting into my yoga workout mode is the coolest part of me these days, believe me!!!!

Thankyou!

Writing is her passion.

Everything she writes about is geared towards things that she deeply cares about- experiences, thoughts, drama and emotions.

A full-time mom to two handsome boys- 12 and 5, she built a career around insurance underwriting and later, teaching of the English literature and language in high school, before vanishing into full time mommy responsibilities. She believes that life is not meant to be serious all of the time, and that we should have fun as much as we can. Besides writing, she enjoys watching spy network series and living it up by creating laugh memes with her two lovely young boys!

Do follow her on

https://www.facebook.com/sayitnish/
http://instagram.com/sayitnish
https://meetnish.wordpress.com/

#yoga #yogapractice #yogainspiration #yogaposes #yogalife #yogagirl #yogafun #sweat #yogaflow #yogacommunity #yogaforbeginners #yogaasanas #yogamakesmehappy #yogaisforeverybody #yogaathome #yogamom #yogaat40

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Bliss, beauty and vibes

All the time.

I have my own world to submerge my own unique essence into. Without the opinions of the world. There are moments I put myself out there to learn new things and see life through a new lens.
It’s okay to have an introverted personality. Find productive hobbies (ex: painting, gym, dance, book clubs, travel, ect.), and people who also enjoy them. Also, if you’re doing something with your time that you’re passionate about, then you may have less time for a social life.
It was always that way for me. After I opened myself to someone, I needed a few minutes to close down again, to restore my sense of privacy.
It is exhausting, all this opening up.
Writing is a way of opening up to the world.
Of course I like people. I have support. Those friends are very kind and they stay.
And when I realized they had secrets too, I was glad. And that’s all anyone’s looking for really, isn’t it? Someone to take care of the mess inside our heads?

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The reason why I am addicted to midnight!

You know what I like about 3am conversations?

I have read a lot about it, but in my experience I feel like a drop of free water, most stoic, most emotional, alltogether at once.
I knows nothing of borders and care nothing for rules.
I fancy my luck to witness the night sky with the moon, in silence and without distraction.
I sometimes feel the most heroic at 3am.
And those secrets guarded for a lifetime…they dance on your lips, ready to be divulged with carefree abandon, to the right person, in those sincere conversations at 3 am.

I love the quiet …

Before the world speeds up, sitting by the creepers clinging to the rustic wood, shimmering in the light of day or resting in the evening shade.
But it is hard to come by these days.

Maybe, that is why I stay up late.

Waiting for the stars to bring their magic.

(Thankyou for reading the article!)

Do follow my work on.
https://www.facebook.com/sayitnish
http://instagram.com/sayitnish
https://sayitnish.com/

Iam an avid blogger.

Writing is my passion.
Everything I write about is geared towards things that I deeply care about.
I write about all that I come across during the day. Experiences, thoughts, (ouch) drama and emotions.
Writing an ‘about me’ will be an exhaustive process.
In short, am a full-time mom to two handsome boys- 12 and 5. I built a career around insurance underwriting and later, teaching of the English literature and language in high school, before I vanished into full time mommy responsibilities.
However, the pen and paper never left my side.
Whimsical and romantic by nature, I am always on the lookout for the next crazy adventure I can enjoy! I believe that life is not meant to be serious all of the time, and we should have fun as much as we can. Also, writing has always been more than a hobby for me.
It’s my reason to chill.

Writing has taught me that with time things evolve, get better and grow for the better. I just have to take the right steps and wait for the results. Writing is my happy time. I think I can contribute immensely to your vast ocean of knowledge.
Thank-you and cheers!

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The real reason good friendships are so hard to come by.

Anxious but trying is the motto of my life!

I think I’m okay most of the time after these ridiculous evening self talks.

Talking to oneself and setting matters straight with one’s heart matters more because at the end of the day, nobody else gives a fuck about you and how you’re going to feel no matter how open you are to them.

Sometimes I think I need to talk out loud inside a room.
Because sometimes you see, you are your best person.

There, I said it.

I am a poor judge of people.

Even more when it comes to recognizing a solid friend.
Of course, to have good friends you have to be a good friend.

It means showing up.

If you never text back and you cancel every get-together…you will not get back deep friendship.
It means making sacrifices. Friendship requires sacrifice.

It means pursuing.

It means sending texts to check in on them about that thing they were worried about. It means grabbing a memory and making a quick call telling them you’re thinking of them.

It means asking them to meet up for a glass of wine on a sunny afternoon.
It means texting back when you’re almost asleep and telling them you miss them.
I think it’s important to make sacrifices for the friends that you choose. Maybe that means meeting up with them when you don’t feel like it. Maybe it’s doing something you don’t want to do to help them out.

It means choosing.

Well, you cannot give the same level of friendship to everyone. You have to choose the people you are going to give your heart to.

Good friends dont-

1.stay too busy for you, too long.

2. Listen to what you have to say, solely for responding with a ready-made solution.

3. Don’t show you negativity and do negative talk about your bad situation.

4. Allow fearful thoughts to navigate your brain for long.
5. Show off to you that they are perfect.

6. Tell you that they have limited time for you or that they have to struggle to make time for you.

7. Blame you or complain about you or compare you to other friends and situations.

8. Don’t just talk about loving yourself more, as a motto but show you why you are so damn lovable and cherished.

There are certain people who make the world a better place just by being in it. They seem to carry the strongest glue around with them. And sometimes, we just wish to drown ourselves in the feels they give us.
Those are the ones I think reside in our hearts forever.

How can we be these angels and good friends to others –

1. It costs nothing to be a very sweet and kind person. All you gotta do is to be a kind hearted person. That’s all.

2. Good friends treat you well, are super loyal and are incredibly protective of the ones they trust and love.

3. Most of them can be a little standoffish when you first get to meet them, but that’s only because they don’t like letting anyone in. Once they do open up, though, they are a bundle of love.

4. Again and again, they are compassionate and kind and their loyalty to loved ones is unmatched.

5. You don’t hesitate to talk to them. With them, you just know you are not alone.

6. You don’t worry about being vulnerable with them.

7. You just wouldn’t know what to do without them. Period.

8. They always, always listen to you and always notice what you are going through.

9. They are respectful.

10. They compliment you a lot and some of them are great huggers.

11. They dress you up in confidence all the time.

It’s definitely okay to choose the people you invest in; sometimes spending enough time with a friend opens your eyes to existing realities. Perhaps you overstayed in a relationship. Sometimes and often times, they would not know how to communicate lack of space in their hearts for you.
We all need this. Safe friendships. We just weren’t meant to travel this life alone and in my opinion, there’s no time we need each other more than as we grow older and lonelier.

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You must learn to let go. Life is not easy for any one of us.

Photo by Yeshi Kangrang from Unsplash

I have the fear of closed spaces.

However, I do like empty spaces. They are liberating. I literally can’t imagine not having time alone or not having time for silence around me, most times. I like good friends and they are few. I know people who are very scared of sharks and deep ocean\water. I also know people who are scared of heights and looking down a terrific slope. The interesting part is that I have an obsession with heights even if I am scared of exploring an adventurous sky dive. I want to swim with big fish and have an exciting ocean holiday tattooed somewhere forever in my mind. I think that I am fascinated by them as much as I am scared of them.
We are all scared of different things and yet so similar we are, in how we want to conquer them or how we wish they could simply be avoided.

I used to be like you. I used to think a lot and stress about life right before I sleep. I still do worry a lot sometimes. But the degree is less. You just have to find something you like to do at night. That can give you some peace in mind. Maybe listen to some music/songs..have a grateful thought, forgive an action of someone who hurt you, disarm your defences a bit.
Don’t worry so much okay.

(Thank-you for reading this article!)

My passion is writing. Everything I write about is geared toward things that I deeply cares about—experiences, thoughts, drama, and emotions. A full-time mom to two handsome boys—11 and 4—I built a career around insurance underwriting and later, teaching of English literature and language in high school, before vanishing into full-time mommy responsibilities. I believe that life is not meant to be serious all of the time, and that we should have fun as much as we can. Besides writing, I enjoy watching spy network series and living it up by creating laugh memes with my two lovely young boys!

To follow my work on.
https://www.facebook.com/sayitnish
http://instagram.com/sayitnish
https://sayitnish.com/

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These moments are irresistible.

Photo by Sapan Patel from Unsplash

(And some of the best moments in our life are yet to come.)

Maybe the kind of home we’re looking for is not the place or in a person, you know. Maybe we just want to find ourselves because we have lost track of who we are in the process of becoming acceptable to the eyes of everyone. That is the hardest part of being lost.

There’s also something beautiful and magical about sharing your thoughts to somebody. After all that’s one of the best thing we could ever experience in life, to share parts of you to somebody, who waits and listens.

Do you feel it, too? Something has shifted, subtly, in the last few months. Just as we have become more mindful of diet, fitness, relationships and safety, we have become more mindful of the way we view the world. No longer can we behave at our will or transport ourselves to far away places like we do on a holiday. Those memories seem to be fading away in my mind. How about you? There’s also a longing to connect with all those places at a deeper level. All the old familiar places, I’ll be looking at you like I never visited you before.

(Thank-you for reading this article!)

My passion is writing. Everything I write about is geared toward things that I deeply cares about—experiences, thoughts, drama, and emotions. A full-time mom to two handsome boys—11 and 4—I built a career around insurance underwriting and later, teaching of English literature and language in high school, before vanishing into full-time mommy responsibilities. I believe that life is not meant to be serious all of the time, and that we should have fun as much as we can. Besides writing, I enjoy watching spy network series and living it up by creating laugh memes with my two lovely young boys!

To follow my work on.
https://www.facebook.com/sayitnish
http://instagram.com/sayitnish
https://sayitnish.com/

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Longing for friendship, in a busy coffee shop.

I am sitting at the table immediately next to the entrance desk of the Cafe.
I am waiting for a friend to arrive to meet me for a symbolic evening tea.

I must have arrived earlier than usual or so I think because the wait has now stretched to about twenty minutes and I was getting quietky self conscious.

The place around was cracking under the noise of hurried eating, using steel cutlery, clanking of beer bottles as people share a drink to their happiness, combined with the laughter and loud animated voices from the conversations, of all those over packed tables.
No table was waiting to be seized. Women dressed gorgeously were moving in and out of the restroom and there was a gush of people exiting the restaurant temporarily to light a cigarette. The graceful waiter would walk with his shoulder etched diagonally to make space for them, just in case they smashed into the large brown plate filled with pizzas, burgers, sandwiches and hot meals.

The attender gave me a knowing smile, every time, he passed me. I had a feeling I was the lonely one. I knew I had to do something to look occupied. I must not look like I am devoid of friends, rauccous stories and the vibrance associated with the upscale social life, as we see around us, into which we also are subconsciously working so hard to blend, with the associated precautions.

My day dreaming was cut short with a shrieking laughter of a woman in her late twenty’s who broke into a fit of back and forth sway of her body. She was delirious and was hoping to complete what she had to say through the fit of laughter that had gripped her.

It was nice. I enjoyed looking at her. I smiled too, beneath my lips. It relaxed me. I instantly shifted back on my chair, pushed myself to feel comfortable against the wooden hand bar and crossed my legs comfortably. My shoulders were relaxed this time, the stomach falling on me with all its natural weight and each round of breathing, clearly distinguishable from the one before.
Of course, my lovely friend walked in and we had a lovely time together. We smiled often, spoke about things that charmed me and her. We engaged in depth about how important it was, that we met.
Time passed and I felt an ache when I had to finally get up to leave.
It would mean that the good times would be coming to an end soon. That, from this beautifully orchestrated mood, I would soon be transported back into quietness, melancholy and the routine existence, which I so badly try and run away from.

I run to a crowded place like this and then again ruminate at the thought of being snatched away from magical moods. This is a never ending cycle. A cycle which comes and goes. Over which, we have no control but to endure and pass.
At such times, friends make life colorful. They are a desirable escape.
While my favourite moment was whem my stomach took its comfortable place, amidst heightened social anxiety and self enforced uneasiness, my friend was the icing on the cake.

I loved it.
I really enjoy my friends.

You end up not talking to anyone about anything for fear of being hurt. You cover your inner feelings with a smile and a joke. No one likes your truth.
But the truth is right there in that coffee shop. A perpetual longing for company and the struggle to feel comfortable in one’s skin.

(Thank-you for reading this article!)

My passion is writing. Everything I write about is geared toward things that I deeply cares about—experiences, thoughts, drama, and emotions. A full-time mom to two handsome boys—11 and 4—I built a career around insurance underwriting and later, teaching of English literature and language in high school, before vanishing into full-time mommy responsibilities. I believe that life is not meant to be serious all of the time, and that we should have fun as much as we can. Besides writing, I enjoy watching spy network series and living it up by creating laugh memes with my two lovely young boys!

To follow my work on.

https://www.facebook.com/sayitnish
http://instagram.com/sayitnish
https://sayitnish.com/

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My restlessness and irritability gave me huge trouble. And for most of it, obviously it was self made.

I love to go to parties but I just sit in a comfortable corner with my phone, drink beer, listen to music or the beat and smile when someone smiles at me and talk when someone talks to me.

Growing up I always was afraid to share my feelings for fear of being misunderstood. I constantly retreated into myself and stayed silent never feeling confident enough to share my excitement for life. Writing helped me by giving me something to sink my full effort into and because that was the first thing about myself, that I was able to share in full confidence because I knew how much work and dedication it took to create it.

One of the many reasons I drove my own car, when I went to work years ago, is because I hate car pooling with people. I want to leave when I want to leave. I want to talk only, when I feel the need to talk.

I actually enjoy sitting alone at home watching a movie than being outside with people ready to judge me.

That crippling feeling of aloofness when you are in the quiet of your home, in a crowded mall, watching the city lights glow from your window, when you’re walking aimlessly in the park with your toddler, that feeling as if something is missing in your life and it will never come back although it was never there in the first place; that inexplicable emptiness which manipulates all.

For me today, as I write this piece, life is ordinary and nothing that happened today is going to overpower what happened yesterday or look a shade better than tomorrow.

Anticipation thrums through my body, my skin prickling and my pulse racing.

I am the invisible unpaid homemaker and I am stressed too.

I believe I am mostly a loner. Though I am married and have young children. I love staying home, being in my own place and space.

I don’t do the hustle and bustle of everyday life , not for me thanks ,love peace ,quiet and a good read pottering around doing what I enjoy , it’s called a happy life.

Yes I feel like I am on the outside looking in whenever I am in a group of people or out in public – no one to talk to or confide in who would understand. I just feel less stressed and at peace to be home.

The lockdown has been depressing for a lot of people. But if you’re used to being home, minding your own business… bliss. No more unexpected visitors. No need to turn down invites. Much less activity. I miss traveling locally though. Being out in the bush, in a tent by the river.

I try to stay composed, sitting as still as you can on the end of the bed.
So you focus on your other senses, trying to see through them while you wait. You fidget with your hands in your lap, twisting the ring around your finger. You haven’t gotten used to it yet, the simple metal band he’d slipped onto your finger just a few hours ago. You run your fingertip around and around, tracing the Mandalorian words etched into the metal– the vow now etched into your heart as well.

I will not be anymore, drawn into people’s fakeness ,bullshit and inconsistent behaviour ,I’m done.
You can ONLY try for so long then at some point you have to realise nothing will change on certain things in your life ,that includes people, circumstances and how people behave towards you.

You are either in my life genuinely because you wish to be and make a sincere effort or don’t bother anymore . I have been through so much in my lifetime that no one will ever really know, nor understand . This has shaped the person I am today, for better or for worse.

I am me and all I do is with love , respect and a good heart, if you cannot see this in me then leave me alone,permanently . I am so over fake shit and won’t participate in it with anyone . All I wish to do is live out what time I have left with the people I know 100% care about me and don’t give my mind to question this . Peace, no drama ,no crap ,no lies!

The greatest and most important adventure of our lives is discovering who we really are. Yet, so many of us walk around either not really knowing or listening to an awful inner critic that gives us all the wrong ideas about ourselves.

In order to be a beneficial person to the world around me, the best buddy, life partner, parent etc, I have to first put my personal house, my temple, my mind in a healthy order. This personal journey is one that I will benefit from taking.

It’s literally insane that we all think we’re so alone in the things that we’ve been through and are going through but if you open up to people they will most likely relate to what you are going through…. literally talk to people about your feeling guys. Trust me, you are not alone in anything.

I have figured a few things which have been of beneficial distraction to me.

During these unusually different times, staying afloat and in harmony with oneself. Taking good care of my health and hygiene.
Starting a new series on netflix each time the previous one ends. Playing that game with my children and fascinating them with my company. Cooking, reading, learning the lyrics to my favorite tunes, slow dancing in dim lights. Writing out my thoughts and feelings.
Knowing that my mental health may decline and let the process take its organic course. Finding new things that help ease my mind and please my heart.
Staying safe, pursuing positivity, and persevering always.

I have begun to simplify my life in any way I can. Decluttering, stepping back from toxic people, saying no to things, resting, establishing priorities and acting and building confidence in myself and my ability to handle whatever comes my way.

I am in the same boat, and slowly slowly getting there, but it can be crippling and overwhelming, especially when life circumstances aren’t ideal, and it’s not “all in your head”. I understand now that, reaching out and trying to get control of it, is my first step and sometimes the most important. I must keep going.

I don’t like how endings in real life come on so suddenly without making sense, without much warning. One minute you are in the middle of something and the next it is all a very long time ago and you’re a different person and none of it is ever coming back.

I consider this time hence, my most valuable. I would like to make the best of it.

(Thank-you for reading this article!)

My passion is writing. Everything I write about is geared toward things that I deeply cares about—experiences, thoughts, drama, and emotions. A full-time mom to two handsome boys—11 and 4—I built a career around insurance underwriting and later, teaching of English literature and language in high school, before vanishing into full-time mommy responsibilities. I believe that life is not meant to be serious all of the time, and that we should have fun as much as we can. Besides writing, I enjoy watching spy network series and living it up by creating laugh memes with my two lovely young boys!

To follow my work on.

https://www.facebook.com/sayitnish
http://instagram.com/sayitnish
https://sayitnish.com/

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Have you ever “killed” someone with kindness?

Yes, I did! Everyday on my teaching job at middle school classes I was a part of, for over 5 years.
I did my best to constantly kill them with kindness.
My schools had all hand picked teachers who had experience and the know how to physically, mentally and psychologically handle these independent diamonds in the rough.

The longest it took me to “kill” a student with my kindness was a boy with serious esteem issues and who would be an outcast mostly. It took a full 3 months. I pulled all my tricks of the trade to try and wrap him around my finger. I didn’t call on him when he wasn’t paying attention, but did when I knew he had been listening.

I smiled at everyone daily, greeting them at my door using their names.
I handed out public compliments they did nice things to others, at random times, so they had to pay attention.
I had small hand made notes for those in need of attention or support and never embarrassed them. Kindness, again.

When teaching, I would stop a lesson immediately and offer emotional support if someone wasn’t with us. They were more important than what I was teaching. Kindness, was always number one.
I really did love my students. It was also very easy for me to use kindness because it was second nature to me.
They also learned to their dismay, that kindness is not a weakness.

Gee, I loved those days and miss them!

I’ve often found that being kind is the ultimate “pay it forward” system. I have had strangers smile at me as we pass and I have spent my whole day trying to smile at some else back.

Again and again, kindness is never wasted, even if it appears so, because we are simply depositing it in a bank we cannot see and with results we may never witness ourselves. But they are there.
Again and again, we are not necessarily born knowing how to be gentle with ourselves or others. But we can learn, we can “pay it forward” so that maybe a tree will grow a little taller one day, and a person will carry themselves a little lighter and in turn help a stray dog or comfort a crying child.

Sometimes all we have to offer is scraps, but a little is enough, one small bandage at a time, one tiny gesture at a time, and that is enough. For if we all pay it forward than it is not small.

One smile at a time, one bank note at time, one person at a time. Pass it down the line– buy a stranger a snack, offer a kind word, understand that everyone is going through something.

Everyone is trying their best in the ways they know how.
You lose nothing when you considerate to others, but what we all have to gain is monumental.

(Thank-you for reading this article!)

To follow my work on.

https://www.facebook.com/sayitnish
http://instagram.com/sayitnish
https://sayitnish.com/