Have you ever heard someone say, “I only got six hours of sleep last night”, to which the other person rolls their eyes and thinks (or maybe says), “well, I only got four”.
In other words, feeling invalidated.
This whole one-up style of argument is annoying, but frankly, understandable– we all want others to acknowledge our problems and feel like they are valid. But by undermining someone else’s issues for the sake of our own, is tough on certain emotions, you see.
Isn’t the whole point that we’re both tired? What if the person who had six hours of sleep just came off of a twelve-hour work shift, and we had a nap earlier in the day?
The point is, we don’t know other peoples’ circumstances, either. But it’s reasonable to want our problems to be recognized too– everyone does, really.
While in those unfriendly situations, it is nice to stay humble and maintain perspective and perhaps even, smile away that vibe, it truly does cause tremendous pain.
I have figured at forty, that I could do without such energy.
Everyone needs validation.
We all crave for attention, in a good way. We like our work being appreciated. It gives a momentum to our pace when we are told that we are doing attractive things.
Or that we cook tremendous recipes.
Maybe we are the city’s best entrepreneur.
One hell of a make up artist and my personal favourite, the best dance artist in the neighborhood.
Who doesn’t like an appreciative smile.
Because we are all emotional people and we all have thoughts.
There is a thin line between seeking validation from places where you are not sure about positive flow. Then there is an unhealthy circulation of ill feelings and troubled relationships.
Here there is automatically an imbalance in relationships.
But being open to validation from those who are encouraging and looking forward to your happiness each day, is strength at another level.
This can rarely go wrong.
I have a friend, who is the first to know about all my achievements. She has me to share with, all her feats, the successful woman she is, in an immediate order as it happens.
This is validation again.
The one that flows generously, without headaches and ill feelings in the digestive system.
Calling loved ones and reminding myself of how much they value me and sharing my experiences and recognizing, through the resultant conversations, that I wasn’t alone with my feelings and struggles, is healthy.
I am glad I could write this.
I am grateful for all the lovely people who make me feel alive and a true part of their sad and happy moments without invalidating my own.
(Thank-you for reading this article!)
To follow my work on.