(Photo by We Heart It)
Have friends whom you are not in touch with?
Losing a friend is the breakup nobody talks about, nobody writes songs about.
I hadn’t expected it to hit me like that again. I thought I was over her. But I’m not. It’s been fifteen years since I last spoke to her.
We loved each other. She was the first one to know about the hero of my life. And now she knows nothing about any of me. I remember pushing the bar to search for her. Like she disappeared into nothingness.
Sometimes I don’t think about her for weeks and then, out of nowhere, it all hits me again. That whatever we had, is gone, only a memory that keeps fading and doesn’t feel real anymore. As if it belonged to another me.
I miss the old days. The everyday talks, the secrets, those girl-things, the stay overs. I miss her, I miss who I was around her.
Please give me a moment and read. This is exactly how I feel. This time I have been able to describe it perfectly-
“Sometimes I really am awful in regards to keeping in contact with others. I want healthy and fulfilling relationships with my friends, but it’s very hard for me to wholly invest myself. I want to talk to you, but it’s difficult for me to muster the energy to do so sometimes. I want to hang out with you, but isolation also sounds nice right now. I’ll read your texts, but I’m not necessarily in the mood to reply at the moment. Then I feel anxious attempting to reach out when I do have the energy and I am in a good mood because I feel like I pushed you away and you dislike me now, so I usually remain isolated.”
If I had a chance to write a letter, this is what it would say-
“Friend, I like you. And that’s that.
No matter the distance, you will always be remembered.
I hope you will walk into my life like autumn and I will meet you like the fall.
And maybe it will happen like Troye Sivan sang:
I’m sure we’ll meet in the spring again,
And catch up on everything
and I´ll hug you and say I’m proud of all that you’ve done.”
(Thank-you for reading this article!)